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[Alexandr Korol]

this way, things will turn out badly for you. Be better, be more honest, be kinder.” And I’m starting to realize that, back then, when I was alone, by myself, time didn’t exist. I knew everything about everyone, and everything felt like a fairy tale, like in the movies “Big Fish” or “Interstate 60”. I’ve always used those as examples. It was as if you were living in a kind of magical world, where everything was miracles and paradoxes. Any billboard, any word, any phrase from a movie spoke to you, and everything was enchanting. You lived in a world of wonders. But in that world, there were no people. It was as if I descended into the world of humans. I even wrote in my drafts: “I descended to you, but because of you, there’s only sickness, diseases, fears, problems, and weaknesses. Everything starts to manifest in me, to reflect in me. The longer I stay with you, the more I get dirty, the more I get bruises and scars from being among you.” That’s how I expressed it. And I felt that as soon as I started talking to someone for an extended period or building any kind of relationship, as is customary in the human world, it was as if I immediately felt a countdown begin. It was like some kind of timer started ticking, marking the time left in my life. When I was alone, it felt as though there was no time, no death – as if I were immortal, as if I wouldn’t age, as if I would never die. But when I began interacting with people, forming attachments – be it friendships or relationships – all my fairy tales and miracles vanished. All my confidence disappeared, and I started feeling fear, just like everyone else. I felt sickness and the looming presence of death, as if I would soon die. Well, “soon” by human standards – as if I would “age and die” like everyone else. I thought, “What a nightmare!” Because of this, I immediately detached myself from people to prevent that from happening. But you see, these were a child’s feelings. I was just a child, and this was simply how I felt. I didn’t know any information; I just experienced it this way. Now, as an adult, I can say that it wasn’t just my imagination – it wasn’t just a feeling. It was true in the literal sense. I remember writing in my journals how, while walking around St. Petersburg, no one would ever encounter me or approach me. Because when I was alone, no one could see me. I wrote that I would never be at the same time or place where you, humans, go. Only someone who is in my world could see me – that’s how I expressed it back then. I wrote that when I was alone, I was in my own kind of world, which I called the “world without a mind.” And if someone happened to see me, and I saw them, they were a magical