What the voice said during the massage:
I need to remember what the voice said during the massage. What did the voice say during the massage? It said, “Go.” It said, “Just go.” So I asked, “What am I doing wrong? What do I need to fix in myself?” And the voice told me that I already have all the tools I need to go forward, that I am ready, that I just need to go. I don’t know exactly what that means. But if I try to decode it immediately, it feels like I already have the tools – these qualities – and the way it showed and told me, it’s as if nothing can tempt me anymore, nothing can buy me, nothing can scare or irritate me, and no provocation will work on me. And the thoughts and associations that came to me made me feel like I will become public again. That all this time, everything has actually been a rehearsal – this previous phase of me appearing in society, my small-scale public presence – it was all just preparation for a global level. And as I understood it, or as it showed and told me, if I’m interpreting this correctly, it’s something that Big Alexander even hinted at recently when he said, “That’s it, you’ll be broadcasting. It’s time to speak. Finish your book, it’s time to speak.” And it feels like all this time, I have been preparing for this. That my books are the highest form of my becoming who I am, who I am becoming, and now I will have to show this to people, to my readers. But at the same time, I must also become someone now, and my path of becoming is written in my books. And then, when I finally become this person – and I feel like I am already becoming – it will mean that I have passed through all temptations, that no one can provoke me anymore, and that I have already written everything down in my books – the entire path of liberation, awakening, enlightenment. And then, when it happens, it will be time for me to appear again, metaphorically speaking, in social spaces, among people, and to start broadcasting about my books. It’s as if I simply need to decode my entire journey, which is described in my novel “Alternative History”. I will just need to answer questions about my books. That’s how I see it.
What else? How do I understand this? What else did it show and tell me? That... I... Well, that I won’t react anymore... That there will be a lot of different attention directed at me – people’s reactions, provocations – but I won’t react to it at all and will just continue my teachings, something like that. That I really am this avatar, that I have arrived, and that everything I am seeing in