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[Alexandr Korol]

And he cannot say it now. And it’s not because he’s afraid of aliens, and not
because he’s afraid of Father Odin, as I joked with him in the dialogue. No.
Although, when I told this joke to Big Alexander and said to him that I told
Mystic-Old-Man: “Don’t be a coward, I am Thor, I give you my permission,
I bless you,” Big Alexander said that I can give permission. But then I
explained the whole situation, and that’s when Big Alexander replied that he
understands Mystic-Old-Man — that it’s not that he’s afraid of something,
but he simply cannot say it because he... He knows it’s the truth, but he
doesn’t have that one hundred percent certainty in the words he would speak,
and therefore he cannot say it, and that this is normal, and he has the right
to feel that way, and we just need to wait.

And regarding my switching, my transformation, Big Alexander said:

— Maybe you’re being prepared for contact already, — he’s always waiting
for contact.
— Maybe, I don’t know. Listen, you know, when a person feels total ‘outer
space,’ but when they lose touch with reality, meaning the mind shuts off
completely, control shuts off. People often experience this at a concert or
in the theater, and afterward, they want to, say, dull themselves somehow.
Or in a moment of stress, because again, in this ‘mindless’ state, people
want to anchor themselves, to muffle it, just to be able to account for where
they are and to think, so that the mind can at least maintain some control.”
I told Big Alexander yesterday, sincerely, as it is, straight to the point:
“Imagine, I don’t know what I want, but I’m ready to just leave somewhere,
fly away to see someone or call someone, because I’m afraid of being
alone with myself. Simply because the walls are literally blurring, drifting
apart. Not in a literal sense, but almost like it. What should I do? Go all out
in the sense of not being afraid and surrendering to this state, that
something is radiating me and I’m becoming all cosmic like this, some Spirit
is entering me? Or should I ground myself, since there’s such a need, so I
don’t go crazy, and meet someone or go somewhere — let’s say, go into society?