I’ve done well; that it’s natural for people who have finished their business
or work — and I just finished the ninth volume, I’m free, plus I’m no longer
distracted by that employee, and I’m very far from society and alone — that
any other person would be spending all their attention now on something
bad, on bad habits, perhaps on social networks, perhaps on the attention of
people, and that I’ve done well not to do that, and to have simply gone into
this dialogue with myself. And that I can do sports exercises, I can meditate,
write a book, take notes, paint pictures, listen to music, but I shouldn’t muffle
myself with society like other people do. And God told me that I did well to
understand this. It’s not that He is telling me to do it this way, but that I am
already doing it, and He simply highlighted it for me. And so my whole day
today has been this crazy internal dialogue, because seriously, like an old man,
I sat on a bench for two hours with myself without a phone, then I stood for
a while, then I stood in a corner, then I walked in circles. And it was all just
a dialogue about re-evaluating life, myself, and everything in general,
just with the voice and nothing else. And there is nothing else.
And the most interesting thing is that before, perhaps because I’m not
communicating with anyone now, I still felt people in my head, but now it’s
as if all the threads to the entire world of people have been severed. It’s as if
I’ve been liberated from it. As if I am some kind of “zero.” And that is
the transformation happening to me right now.
When I exchanged audio messages in a messenger with my friend today,
he said that my audio messages make him feel unwell, that I’m radiating
energy very strongly, that it makes him feel sleepy or as if he’s going to lose
consciousness. Although I’m doing nothing for this — I’m not meditating, not
reciting prayers. I just don’t waste myself and I don’t muffle myself. That’s
all. I don’t waste myself on anything, and I don’t muffle myself with anything.
And so it happens.
- Watch the movie “At Eternity’s Gate”.
conversation. I told him that everything is highlighting to me that this is
the “way home,” that I am returning home. Everything that is happening now.