where I produce my own life for myself, and everything I write out for myself in
theory will then materialize, and I will live freely: if I want a family, I’ll have one;
if I want to open a restaurant, I’ll open one; and the whole life is from a blank
slate. Or is it, after all, something greater? Or is it already the source code?
The initial point, where God lives — and how I will live there, whether this will
reflect onto all the worlds, all the multiverses? Also a question — I don’t know.
What I know is that all these days I’ve been listening to classical music, mostly
various soundtracks by Hans Zimmer, and writing a great many notes, keeping a
diary for myself. I was also reflecting on how I used to do the same thing before:
I would delete the phone number, the social networks, leave home, disappear —
but all the same, something would always remain unchanged — that was me
and my writing. And it’s interesting to me whether writing is there, where I am
going off to. When I strongly let go of control and of the mind, and of this old
world, and gradually crossed over into the new, I thought less, controlled less,
and there were more signs and feelings. You drove up — there’s no parking spot,
which means you shouldn’t. You feel that you want to sleep, but the sun is outside
the window — you sleep. And all day yesterday my initials, “A. K.,” were being
highlighted to me. I think — whatever comes to mind first, whatever I associate
this with, that will be what’s right. I think: A. K. — Alexandr Korol, the writer…
That means I haven’t finished writing something, and I have to finish writing it.
Maybe that’s what is happening right now — I have to dive in and out and keep
writing. Well — on the one hand, it’s good, and it seems to me that this will satisfy
the curiosity of my readers very much.
I figured that the eleventh volume was already finished, because I caught the
moment at the concert and had already seen how I went off there, and understood
much, and came to believe much even more strongly — but with the mind I
understood that it was very strange. And what about the matrix? Shouldn’t I
reveal it to you? Big Alexander often told me to make mistakes, not to tell anyone
anything, because I am already giving a lot and hinting a lot, and that mistakes
are good. There were moments when I would tell him what I was deciphering,
and I would say that maybe I was mistaken here — and he would answer that
this is good, and that one shouldn’t reveal everything to people completely.