It was as if I was absent, but the previous version of me was still here. I was absent and I came back. I feel that if I stay here, other people who belong to the same world will appear in my life. This world has a different way of thinking and my version of this world has different perceptions, desires and feelings. Why have I been going back and forth all this time?
Big Alexander told me that it was related to the chase as well as some global processes. I had to make the global speed go faster and slower, or sometimes stop time altogether. I told him:
– Now I am here, I am shocked. I feel a bit scared and unstable. I see that people don’t remember how they were young, or even how they felt five years ago. If they remembered their own thoughts from a few years ago, they would go mad. I am on the bridge of madness and I remember everything, every single day and every single hour. I remember every object on my mother’s dressing table. I feel like I have lived twenty different lives and I remember them all. They were different versions of me and they are gone. I am a different person again. What is happening?
He told me again that I was changing and that there was a chase, a rhythm and a world. Now I could see all this. I am in shock. It is so obvious, almost on a physical level, like in the film ‘The Butterfly Effect’. Where am I now? How did I get here? Big Alexander told me that I was fine and that I was here now. But as if this is not me, not the same Alexandr who is writing to you, not the one be- fore. Maybe Big Alexander is another version of him. There is a song by Noize MC about the frequency of old memories, which is a multiverse. For example, there is a version where I am not on good terms with my mother. There is a world where I am cool with her. If I go to that world, to that frequency, we are on good terms. Can you imagine that? There is a version of me that everybody loves. A good, kind world where everyone loves each other. And there is a ver- sion of me where all the people I meet are angry. I move between all these different worlds. Yesterday my friend and I deliberately switched between these worlds very quickly. We were sitting in the same room and at the same table and I was switching between worlds and he was feeling exactly what I was feeling.