Page 94
Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2023 8:06 am
you come to, they will not tell you, so as not to interfere in fate. Are you with me? He understands it, and I understand it. It is impossible to know anything ahead of time. Because you need just the right amount of time to believe in it and realize it for yourself. You have to feel it in yourself.
I was born this way and it was a problem for me at first, to have a conscience, to be fair-minded. Living among false and evil people it bothered me very much. I didn’t understand why I was the way I was. Should I become like everyone else? Or stay true to myself? I didn’t know what to do? If I have done nothing wrong to anyone, and they already consider me bad, then why should I be good? I had such thoughts. I was torn between giving up and not giving up.
It was a very difficult time. It was such a nightmare to grow up among these monsters. No matter how much they vulgarize me and slander me, I have never done anything wrong. Never cheated, never stole. I didn’t do anything like that; same in my line of work. I lived by my feelings; my state of mind was very important to me. And imagine how it would feel if, for example, I offered you something or said something that I did not believe in. It would crush my soul. I would start to feel like everyone else. I’d rather die than sell out.
I had a choice to either believe in those who are “They” and who rule everything or not to believe. And I am clean because of Them. But people pour dirt on me and do not respect me, and do not believe in me, and do not recognize me. But if I am false, like all the public figures who deceive you, I will get people’s recognition and make a lot more money. But then my faith will vanish, and I will live like most people do now. Full of insecurity, and I don’t want that. For me, feeling the happiness inside is very important. I can’t have shit in my soul, you know? When I communicate with people, I see how they get dirty thoughts in their heads about how they want to get something from me. I feel it every day. But I don’t say anything to these people. And they think I don’t know. I understand there is no point in judging this person for having such thoughts. After all, I was in their place, and so I know that a person can’t simply turn it off; it’s like an instinct in them, and they cannot control it. And this is fine. But I can’t. I do everything according to the rules. Very clearly. But if they contact
I was born this way and it was a problem for me at first, to have a conscience, to be fair-minded. Living among false and evil people it bothered me very much. I didn’t understand why I was the way I was. Should I become like everyone else? Or stay true to myself? I didn’t know what to do? If I have done nothing wrong to anyone, and they already consider me bad, then why should I be good? I had such thoughts. I was torn between giving up and not giving up.
It was a very difficult time. It was such a nightmare to grow up among these monsters. No matter how much they vulgarize me and slander me, I have never done anything wrong. Never cheated, never stole. I didn’t do anything like that; same in my line of work. I lived by my feelings; my state of mind was very important to me. And imagine how it would feel if, for example, I offered you something or said something that I did not believe in. It would crush my soul. I would start to feel like everyone else. I’d rather die than sell out.
I had a choice to either believe in those who are “They” and who rule everything or not to believe. And I am clean because of Them. But people pour dirt on me and do not respect me, and do not believe in me, and do not recognize me. But if I am false, like all the public figures who deceive you, I will get people’s recognition and make a lot more money. But then my faith will vanish, and I will live like most people do now. Full of insecurity, and I don’t want that. For me, feeling the happiness inside is very important. I can’t have shit in my soul, you know? When I communicate with people, I see how they get dirty thoughts in their heads about how they want to get something from me. I feel it every day. But I don’t say anything to these people. And they think I don’t know. I understand there is no point in judging this person for having such thoughts. After all, I was in their place, and so I know that a person can’t simply turn it off; it’s like an instinct in them, and they cannot control it. And this is fine. But I can’t. I do everything according to the rules. Very clearly. But if they contact