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Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2025 4:29 pm
And I can be in the same world, among the same people, even build a family, work, but I’m somehow different. I still can’t fall asleep like them, can’t go into autopilot. I still somehow see all these people from the outside, I know all their thoughts in advance, all their desires, all their actions, their entire algorithm of behavior — it’s all obvious to me. I’m like someone in the movie “Divergent,” awakened among the sleeping, and I see it. And it’s like I can be in this socially-material world of defined people, I can be in world 5 or world 10 — be anyone — but still it’s like... They’re all on autopilot, and every action, word, is predictable — what they love, don’t love, what they do — and I can move between these worlds. I can immerse myself in any of them, but I’m not asleep. For some reason, I still feel this sense of awareness 24/7. As if I’m an observer, as if I see everything from the outside, as if I’m not drowning in this socially-material world, but still like some kind of ghost.
Imagine this: you come to a corporate party, everyone’s having fun, and you stand off in a corner, watching it all from the outside. You see how joyful everyone is, and it’s not that you’re not joyful — but it’s as if... as if when your colleagues are at this party, they aren’t thinking about anything beyond themselves and the party itself, and for them, this is the whole world. And you — you, while being at that same corporate party, feel like you’re not actually part of it, but more like you’re watching from the outside, from the position of an observer. At the same time, you can instantly imagine all kinds of other corporate parties, all kinds of other people all over the world. As if you can, in a matter of seconds, envision and see how people are also now celebrating New Year’s holidays, vacations, in all the other worlds — by that I mean in the various socio-material worlds. And there are many of those — not just the socio-material world, but also the world of “lost souls.” It’s as if you can be in that one, and that one, and that one, and you see it all from the outside. It’s as if they’re all prisoners of those worlds, while you’re still in some sort of “corridor,” undefined.And truly, when I was young — I actually started writing the first volume of “Alternative History” back in 2010 — in 2010 I wasn’t writing about this yet; I was writing more about St. Petersburg, and in parallel I was writing other books too. I often mentioned in many of my books, even when I was 20, 21, 19 years old, that it felt like, when I was still undefined —
Imagine this: you come to a corporate party, everyone’s having fun, and you stand off in a corner, watching it all from the outside. You see how joyful everyone is, and it’s not that you’re not joyful — but it’s as if... as if when your colleagues are at this party, they aren’t thinking about anything beyond themselves and the party itself, and for them, this is the whole world. And you — you, while being at that same corporate party, feel like you’re not actually part of it, but more like you’re watching from the outside, from the position of an observer. At the same time, you can instantly imagine all kinds of other corporate parties, all kinds of other people all over the world. As if you can, in a matter of seconds, envision and see how people are also now celebrating New Year’s holidays, vacations, in all the other worlds — by that I mean in the various socio-material worlds. And there are many of those — not just the socio-material world, but also the world of “lost souls.” It’s as if you can be in that one, and that one, and that one, and you see it all from the outside. It’s as if they’re all prisoners of those worlds, while you’re still in some sort of “corridor,” undefined.And truly, when I was young — I actually started writing the first volume of “Alternative History” back in 2010 — in 2010 I wasn’t writing about this yet; I was writing more about St. Petersburg, and in parallel I was writing other books too. I often mentioned in many of my books, even when I was 20, 21, 19 years old, that it felt like, when I was still undefined —