Page 127
Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2025 5:38 pm
But when I walked into the café and saw her, and she saw me, I could see that it was as if she had no soul, or rather, as if some kind of force, some kind of Spirit was in her — like in horror films. Back then, I didn’t even use the word “Spirit.” I called it an “entity.” And I felt such a deep fear — like, I don’t even know what I saw. Just that it wasn’t a human. I couldn’t read her. I could always read people, I saw everyone as being below me — I had already lived their whole life, I used to say. I knew everything about them — their fears, their thoughts. But this one — this presence — had no thoughts, no autopilot. Everyone else felt like bots to me, but this one wasn’t asleep, like I wasn’t asleep. It saw me, and I saw it. And I was afraid — because I couldn’t see what was inside it. It didn’t have the human weakness that everyone else had. “It” was consciousness in the flesh, a force. And we sat at a table next to hers, and this woman started... I didn’t pay attention at first — I was still sitting and talking with my friend — but she started jumping into our conversation, making jokes and comments. Then I say to her:
– Do you know about the keys?
– From paradise?
And that’s it. That’s when that vacuum state hits — you don’t hear any noise, nothing, it’s like being underwater. I say:
– Yes, from paradise. How do you know?
– I know everything.
– Alright.
And I remember asking her, “What’s your name?” She answered, “Nadezhda.” She said something about her husband being in the FSB but having moved to America. She spoke to me partly in Russian, partly in English, with all kinds of jokes. I didn’t know what was going on. She joked about social media being full of filth and pornography. I said that social media can have different kinds of content. She replied, “Uh-huh, uh-huh,” and her eyes — her eyes looked like she wasn’t even human. And my friend started laughing at her, and she turned to me, made a horn gesture with her fingers and pointed at him, like he was the horned one, and giggled. I said, “I know.”
– Do you know about the keys?
– From paradise?
And that’s it. That’s when that vacuum state hits — you don’t hear any noise, nothing, it’s like being underwater. I say:
– Yes, from paradise. How do you know?
– I know everything.
– Alright.
And I remember asking her, “What’s your name?” She answered, “Nadezhda.” She said something about her husband being in the FSB but having moved to America. She spoke to me partly in Russian, partly in English, with all kinds of jokes. I didn’t know what was going on. She joked about social media being full of filth and pornography. I said that social media can have different kinds of content. She replied, “Uh-huh, uh-huh,” and her eyes — her eyes looked like she wasn’t even human. And my friend started laughing at her, and she turned to me, made a horn gesture with her fingers and pointed at him, like he was the horned one, and giggled. I said, “I know.”