Alexandr Korol

but that’s what life is for. I conducted this analysis, observation, to understand why it happened. There comes a period when everything is happiness and luck for me – kind and bright people in my life, inspiration, so many discoveries, everything is colorful. And then the next year – darkness, everything feels bad. Well, not bad, really. There’s no deep depression or anything like that. No. Depression is a loud word. It’s just that sometimes it feels like you don’t know what to do. It’s like inspiration has disappeared, but you don’t know why. Thoughts that don’t belong in your mind pop up, some kind of judgment appears in your head. I can give you an artificial example now, but it’s a good one. Imagine, for instance, a boy named Maxim meets a girl named Masha, he falls in love with her, he likes her, they have fun together, he’s happy, everything is easy, they go skating together or ride bikes, they draw together – everything is great. And then there’s this moment, it might happen after a month, half a year, or a year, where Maxim looks at the girl and sees that she’s a bit chubby. Then he looks at others, and he likes the slim ones more, and he doesn’t like the chubby girl anymore. Then he starts to think about the fact that she’s not from Moscow, but from a small town, and this starts to bother him. Then he starts thinking that she’s twenty-five, just like him, and he realizes that in ten years, she’ll be too old for him, and maybe it’s better to find someone who’s twenty. Even though they are the same age now, both twenty-five, the boy begins to have these thoughts in his head. Then he might start thinking further, well, everyone’s experiences are different, but more thoughts might arise, this impulse, he catches the impulse, and for everyone, depending on their perspective, these ideas and desires unfold in different ways. For instance, Maxim might start thinking that he hasn’t had enough of life yet, and now he feels like he’s already burdened with something permanent, and because of this, he may start feeling trapped. And so Maxim breaks up with Masha and at first doesn’t regret it. At first, everything seems fine. He meets who he wants, does what he wants, feels a light sense of freedom, as if he’s relieved himself of responsibility, of a burden. These thoughts, these little “bugs” in his mind, no longer bother him. Then he meets another girl, Alena. He likes her, she’s beautiful, slim, young, everything’s fine. They travel together, take photos. And then, maybe after a year, two, or three, or maybe only a couple of months, one day Maxim wakes up with Alena and realizes that his soul, his heart, hurts, that Alena is completely empty,