Alexandr Korol

I wouldn’t think about my mom, dad, studies, loans, or rent. None of that human stuff happened in my head in parallel. It felt like I was an autistic person, with all my attention focused on one thing. That’s how I was, and I wrote it down in my diary, that I was in that state. What else did I write back then? I wrote that I couldn’t talk on the phone. I just couldn’t, and people often asked me why. And this was when I was young, when I was 20 years old. They asked me why. I explained that if I call someone right now, I’ll forget what I was doing, and I won’t be able to do anything at all, and I wouldn’t even realize I’m in the apartment, well, if I’m in the apartment at that moment. I’d get so lost in the conversation that I’d disconnect from reality. It’s like I’m completely focused on the person I’m talking to, in that conversation. And I might get lost in it. For example, if in half an hour I need to go somewhere or do something, or if I was doing something and the phone rings, I get so lost in the conversation that I can’t do anything else at the same time or think about anything else. I completely drown in the conversation. It takes my attention so completely, it’s amazing how much. And that’s why I never talked on the phone, for this exact reason. Because if someone writes to me, I can still understand that I’m sitting at the table drinking tea and I can answer the message, but it doesn’t take all my attention, and I still know that I’m in the apartment. But if I call, it’s like I’m not in the apartment anymore, I’m only in that conversation. Can you imagine that? This was the state I was in. What else? I often noticed, especially at that time, that no one understood where I got so much energy from. I could sleep for only one or two hours, maximum. I slept for only two hours, and I had no fatigue, no drowsiness, no mood swings, no laziness. And everyone didn’t understand how I could take on any task and just keep doing it until it was finished. Because for most people, they need some kind of motivation, interest, or ultimatum. Only with these kinds of stimulations could they force themselves to do something. In other words, people or the system could make them do things, but without these stimulations, they couldn’t do anything. He needs some illusion that he will get something for it or, on the contrary, that he will be punished for it, and only then does he do it. But just to do something and not get distracted by anything, a person can’t do that. And I saw how, just because of some illusions in their head, some mess and false moods, a person could drop everything, any task. Because today there’s no sunshine outside, and that’s it, they don’t want