Page 639
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Page 639
This is what happened to me. And the same with thoughts, it was like I couldn’t even think about any person at all. And if I suddenly thought about someone right now, it meant that they were thinking about me at that moment. That’s how it worked. I could immediately write to them or call, but again, a short call, maximum one minute, and say, “What are you doing right now?” And the person would be shocked: “I just started talking about you here with people.” I would say, “I can feel it.” And it turned out that every time, if I wrote to someone, especially in those days, 99% of people would say, “How do you do this?” I would say, “What?” “I just started thinking about you,” or “I’m just writing to you,” or “I just started talking about you, and you’re writing right now, and this happens 20 times a month. How do you do it?” Why did this happen? Because if no one is thinking about me, I don’t think about anyone either. So, if I start thinking about someone, it’s not me thinking, it’s them, and I just feel it. Therefore, if I suddenly remembered someone, it means they are thinking about me. That’s how it works. The same goes for a person’s thoughts. So, when I am by myself, I have no thoughts, it’s like I don’t want anything, but I can just turn on music or a movie, that’s clear. Or I can direct my attention, like recalling a situation from a week ago. But again, that requires effort. It’s like I could never really think. I remember how I could meet any person, and all the thoughts and desires that appeared in me, I immediately knew that they were theirs, because I had no thoughts or desires. That’s why I immediately said, “Do you want this, are you embarrassed by that, do you like this, did you just think about that, don’t you like this about me, were you scared of this?” And all the people were always shocked and didn’t understand how I knew their thoughts. I just felt it, I began to feel the same thing they did. That’s why I always knew the intention of every person who communicated with me, how they felt about me, what they were thinking, how they were communicating. But I didn’t always tell people this. And they thought that I didn’t see anything and didn’t know. But, you know, now something else is curious. Maybe I should realize this, and now I am going towards it, gradually starting to realize it. I remember that I’ve always been like this since childhood, and in school, I couldn’t study because if I read a line from any sentence or poem, I couldn’t even repeat it. I read it, but it was as if I didn’t remember it, and I couldn’t remember a single line or two at all. I couldn’t memorize any poem, it was very hard. It was as if I was speaking in the moment of “here and now,”