Page 640
Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2025 8:50 am
but then if someone asked me a minute later, I couldn’t say anything. And when I was forced to think, my head would feel very compressed, I’d get migraines, and my head would hurt. And I understand why, because it’s a rhythm restructuring, just different rhythms. And it was as if I was always in the world of people, the world we all live in, but I was always in some kind of parallel reality. And I always saw that for some reason I couldn’t fit into society, that all people were divided into groups, like communities: these are foxes, these are wolves, these are rabbits. And I was always the one who looked at it all from the outside. So, I’ve been conscious since childhood, well, you feel like a black sheep, but you see everything, understand everything, you’re aware, everything makes sense to you. And all the other people, it’s as if they are asleep. And I was always happy if I suddenly met a person, I could see that he saw me, and I saw him. Because everyone else was like in a fog, they were all thinking about something. But this person, it was as if he had a clear mind, he seemed to have no thoughts, just like me, and he saw me, and I saw him. And I say:
– Who are you?
– And who are you?
– I don’t know.
Well, it was like that at first. Later, I would say, “Oh, you’re in the corridor.” “What corridor?” “Well,” I said, “the corridor, and all the people are in their little worlds. They get into this corridor and then leave.” And the question is: maybe from childhood until 2012, well, maybe until the middle of 2011, maybe all that time I was already the Spirit? Or maybe, part of the time, I was already the Spirit? Well, because I didn’t need to sleep, there were no thoughts, no dreams. I felt everyone, I could see through everything, I could read thoughts, and my attention was such that, I described this state back then, I said, it felt like I was so conscious that if I were killed, I wouldn’t die. My attention, my consciousness wouldn’t be lost. It felt like I would still be aware of everything, I would be here and now. And people, it’s like they fall asleep, but I don’t. It was like I was some kind of ghost, already inside the body, well, that’s how I described it at the time, but in reality, there’s nothing inside, it’s already a different body. And that’s how I perceived myself. And maybe, on the contrary, in 2011, in the middle of 2011,
– Who are you?
– And who are you?
– I don’t know.
Well, it was like that at first. Later, I would say, “Oh, you’re in the corridor.” “What corridor?” “Well,” I said, “the corridor, and all the people are in their little worlds. They get into this corridor and then leave.” And the question is: maybe from childhood until 2012, well, maybe until the middle of 2011, maybe all that time I was already the Spirit? Or maybe, part of the time, I was already the Spirit? Well, because I didn’t need to sleep, there were no thoughts, no dreams. I felt everyone, I could see through everything, I could read thoughts, and my attention was such that, I described this state back then, I said, it felt like I was so conscious that if I were killed, I wouldn’t die. My attention, my consciousness wouldn’t be lost. It felt like I would still be aware of everything, I would be here and now. And people, it’s like they fall asleep, but I don’t. It was like I was some kind of ghost, already inside the body, well, that’s how I described it at the time, but in reality, there’s nothing inside, it’s already a different body. And that’s how I perceived myself. And maybe, on the contrary, in 2011, in the middle of 2011,