Alexandr Korol

like in a movie, and here I am – it’s me, and I have to live in this, and everything else is just a crowd. And I started to worry: “How is that possible? What about Maxim? Doesn’t he have his own film, his own life?” I thought: “No, he does too, because in his world he lives, he has different values, thoughts, desires, and family, and in his world, I am the backdrop. Oh, how interesting!” And the most interesting thing is that even then I was talking about how the matrix is structured. And then, it’s just unclear where such thoughts come from: “Why am I living?” I could seriously just sit like this at home and either look up or not look up, but mostly just visualize and say: “Why was I born?” So, I would ask: “What do you want from me?” or “Who created all of this?” “You’re there, you must be hearing me.” And I always had this feeling: “You’re hearing me. But if you control all of this, then you definitely know what I think, what I feel. So answer me, give me a hint, make some kind of sign. Come on, let the light bulb go out, or let that thing fall. Give me a sign that you exist, I know you do. And why am I living? What for?” – so I had these thoughts. I’ve always had the sense of awareness that there is someone above us, so I didn’t care at all when people unthinkingly talk about believers and non-believers. I shouldn’t believe in the cover, but in the essence. And understand, maybe I didn’t even know what saints were, what the church is, and how to go to it. But the presence of something that I’m not alone, I had that earlier and stronger than many who go to church every day. And what is this feeling I was born with? It’s such a strong feeling that it’s as if there’s only someone up there, there’s me, and everything else is just a backdrop. And I saw that people, they all get offended at each other, or envy each other, or judge each other, as if their attention is horizontal. But my attention is as if it’s vertical, as if there’s me, and there’s someone up there. But people don’t have that, they don’t feel anything above, they don’t feel anything inside themselves, they only feel the people around them, only think about them, and are connected to them, like some separate network. But I felt like I was outside this network, always connected somewhere up there, I had that feeling. And then imagine what happens next, these adventures start, that from the age of 18, it just becomes stronger – I start reading people’s thoughts, feeling all their ailments, and not understanding what is happening to me. And then this situation happens where I’m introduced to Valentina, who says that I’m special. That’s when I started writing diaries and completely immersing myself in them,