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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2025 9:15 am
painted a picture, listened to music, and didn’t need anyone. It’s like you want that — so that no one talks about you, knows about you, thinks about you, because even that connects you to society. And during some difficult periods, I wanted to do just that. And I even did it a little — and immediately felt great. And during other periods, on the contrary, when I felt like — okay, let’s say I have an apartment, I have someone working for me. I could give them enough money to pay for electricity and sandwiches for the next twenty years. And then, basically, that’s it — I could go insane, I mean, I could step into “without mind.” And every time, Big Alexander would stop me and say:
– It’s too early, don’t do it yet, it’s too early.
– Why?
– You haven’t finished your earthly tasks yet.
– That’s it.
– You haven’t done your earthly tasks. You haven’t yet built the place where you’re supposed to live like that — without mind. You haven’t finished writing all the books. You haven’t yet done what you actually came here to do.
– Alright.
But what’s more interesting is that the last time I spoke with him — which was already in March 2025 — I told him... I had started expressing myself differently. I said to him that I want to become the Spirit. And he got scared when I said that. He said, “What are you saying? It’s too early to become the Spirit.” And when he answered me like that, I felt as if what he meant was that he saw me dying. When I said I wanted to physically become the Spirit, I meant the opposite — that I would just be as I am now, sitting, talking, still living where I live, just the same. But I would switch off control, completely let nature in, become that state of without mind, and that’s it. That’s what I meant. But for some reason, he took it differently. And maybe he understood it correctly. Maybe there’s something I don’t know. But when I told him that I want to become the Spirit now, he got scared and said, don’t rush. Because, as I felt it, for some reason he interprets the words “become the Spirit” as meaning I have to die. And of course, if that’s what he means, then it’s clear why he tells me, “Alex, it’s too early to die.” I don’t want to die. I just want, like in childhood, to go into that world of
– It’s too early, don’t do it yet, it’s too early.
– Why?
– You haven’t finished your earthly tasks yet.
– That’s it.
– You haven’t done your earthly tasks. You haven’t yet built the place where you’re supposed to live like that — without mind. You haven’t finished writing all the books. You haven’t yet done what you actually came here to do.
– Alright.
But what’s more interesting is that the last time I spoke with him — which was already in March 2025 — I told him... I had started expressing myself differently. I said to him that I want to become the Spirit. And he got scared when I said that. He said, “What are you saying? It’s too early to become the Spirit.” And when he answered me like that, I felt as if what he meant was that he saw me dying. When I said I wanted to physically become the Spirit, I meant the opposite — that I would just be as I am now, sitting, talking, still living where I live, just the same. But I would switch off control, completely let nature in, become that state of without mind, and that’s it. That’s what I meant. But for some reason, he took it differently. And maybe he understood it correctly. Maybe there’s something I don’t know. But when I told him that I want to become the Spirit now, he got scared and said, don’t rush. Because, as I felt it, for some reason he interprets the words “become the Spirit” as meaning I have to die. And of course, if that’s what he means, then it’s clear why he tells me, “Alex, it’s too early to die.” I don’t want to die. I just want, like in childhood, to go into that world of