Page 795
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Page 795
feels amazing — your body doesn’t hurt, there are no thoughts, no tension in your head, no doubt. Everything is in the here and now, everything is beautiful and multidimensional. And you feel happy, like “wow.” Then suddenly — bam — it’s gone again. Then you fall into it again. And you keep trying to figure out how to get there, how to stay there, how not to lose it — why it keeps throwing you back into the human world. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with you. That’s how it’s meant to work — it’s the natural process of preparing you for that world. That transition happens gradually. I call it “the future” only because we’re heading toward it — that’s the only reason. And yes, somewhere out there, there already exists another version of you — and you’re connecting to it, but you haven’t become it yet. But you’re being introduced to it — your new version — just a little bit. You can even record a snapshot of that self in your journal. Figuratively speaking, imagine I’m an ordinary person like everyone else. I copy others, others copy me, we all adapt to each other. I dress like everyone else. I travel to Bali just like everyone else. I listen to the same things, eat the same food, discuss the same news. That’s the kind of person I am. And then suddenly something happens, and I end up in a sort of “corridor,” as if I’m seeing life from the outside forever. I see right through people. I see how they’re all divided into categories — from the poorest to the richest, from the most spiritual to the most materialistic — literally everyone. And suddenly I’m in this “corridor,” observing everything from a distance: music becomes three- dimensional, movies become immersive, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I just want to observe from afar, be alone, and write in a journal. I want to create. And in that moment, I can ask myself: what is yes, and what is no? I can make two columns — what my heart and soul want, and what they don’t. And you make that list while you’re in the corridor. But then the next day — bam — you shut down again, become material, and now you want to have fun, you don’t want to stay home. And you open that notebook, written by you just yesterday, when you were in the Spirit — let’s call it that. And it says, “Alex, if someone invites you somewhere, it’s better to stay alone. Better to sit at home, meditate, paint, write a book or journal, or watch a movie like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Peaceful Warrior, even if you don’t feel like it.” And I read that, but today I’m in a material state — and yet I still go somewhere, because the instinct that has awakened in me, these thoughts and that whole state, it starts to control me.