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[Alexandr Korol]

I wanted to go back to the cosmos, and I was afraid of losing it, but they kept forcing me further into the material world. And I resisted it with everything I had — I meditated every day, reread my journals, just so I wouldn’t lose that spark inside, that faith in God. Because in the world of people, that spark just isn’t there. And you know what’s funny and paradoxical right now? Right now, I desperately want to return to the social-material world — seriously, something inside me just wants it. I really do. Sure, people there might be a bit tense, a bit negative, but I honestly miss them so much. I miss just living a human life. I really want to have a relationship, buy a car, walk a dog, post pictures on social media. I really do. But the system, on the contrary, forbids me from doing all of that and forces me to stay in the cosmos, in the Spirit, in the “corridor.” Imagine that paradox. That’s how this world is built. So I’m just sharing it as it is, this whole chronology. And in 2025 — right now — I’ve had those thoughts where I wanted to drop everything. Seriously. People don’t take that into account. Many people — whether kind or hostile, readers are all different — but those who are hostile, take note. You think I enjoy this, that I’m proud of what I’m doing, that it’s all some kind of ego trip or vanity. No! I would gladly not publish anything at all. I don’t want anyone’s attention. I don’t need any followers, I don’t need any readers — I don’t want any of this. And just imagine how trapped I am, caught in a vice, where the Spirit — this force — makes me write books and publish them. And then you all come at me, saying I’ve claimed to be great. Guys, I didn’t want to do this — it’s all the Spirit. I didn’t want to publish anything, but He’ll crush me if I don’t. And if I do publish, then you crush me. Try to understand my position — honestly, I would love to just buy a ticket to Panama, book myself a hotel for ten years, and just focus on exercising every day, swimming in a pool, listening to music. I’d write children’s fairy tales, paint pictures. And that’s it — just for myself. I’d delete every phone number, every social media account — everything — and forget everyone. I want that so badly, but I’m not allowed. If I even think about deleting social media or abandoning my books — even though I barely use them — just the thought of doing it terrifies me. I’m scared of what might happen — not just to me, but to the world. Maybe it’s just an illusion, but I don’t want to take that risk. Let’s put it this way — I’ve tried to quit several times. It’s terrifying. I’ve never felt anything more frightening in my life. So the only one I fear is God. And I advise you all to fear Him too — that is what faith is.