Page 247
Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2025 5:22 pm
— You know everything, all the bad things I ever did or lied about?
— Yes. — and she was shocked, -And how can you even talk to me, or to people at all?
— This person did this,- I said. — Let’s not talk about you — so you don’t get scared. This one did that, that one did this — you know it.
— Yes.
— See? And you think I don’t know.
— But how? If this person steals, or this one lies, or cheats, or does that — and you still don’t do anything?
— What am I supposed to do? You’re all like this. Fine, I could cut all of you out of my life, erase everyone — but I’ll be alone. And if I let new people in, they’ll be the same. You’re all like this.
So that’s how I used to explain it — that there’s really no difference. And I remember, there were situations with provocations — like when someone’s haggling, maybe a real estate agent selling an apartment, or someone renting a place to you and trying to keep the deposit. They start inventing things out of thin air — claiming you stained the curtains or wore down the table — and you can clearly see the bitterness in them, the anger. It’s like there’s a demon, a devil inside them, and they’re using your kindness to squeeze everything out of you — almost like they want to strip you down to your last piece of clothing. And it’s not just that they’re taking advantage of your kindness — they’re waiting for you to snap. They want you to attack them. And he’s surprised — like, “How is this possible?” — he’s treated you so unfairly once, twice, three times, and yet you still don’t react, and now he doesn’t even know what to do. It shakes him. And back then, I didn’t react to any of it because I was deeply afraid of conflict. That’s one of the main reasons why I avoid people altogether. I really don’t like it when people argue, gossip. In general, it feels like the moment you get involved with people, all you get is negativity, no positives. And of course, I went through different phases — cycles, really — as I was exploring the three worlds, or rather four. And all of us went through these cycles: morning, day, evening, and night. There were times when the Spirit of Justice would awaken in me — let’s call it that. But from another perspective, it could also be seen as a kind of weakness —
— Yes. — and she was shocked, -And how can you even talk to me, or to people at all?
— This person did this,- I said. — Let’s not talk about you — so you don’t get scared. This one did that, that one did this — you know it.
— Yes.
— See? And you think I don’t know.
— But how? If this person steals, or this one lies, or cheats, or does that — and you still don’t do anything?
— What am I supposed to do? You’re all like this. Fine, I could cut all of you out of my life, erase everyone — but I’ll be alone. And if I let new people in, they’ll be the same. You’re all like this.
So that’s how I used to explain it — that there’s really no difference. And I remember, there were situations with provocations — like when someone’s haggling, maybe a real estate agent selling an apartment, or someone renting a place to you and trying to keep the deposit. They start inventing things out of thin air — claiming you stained the curtains or wore down the table — and you can clearly see the bitterness in them, the anger. It’s like there’s a demon, a devil inside them, and they’re using your kindness to squeeze everything out of you — almost like they want to strip you down to your last piece of clothing. And it’s not just that they’re taking advantage of your kindness — they’re waiting for you to snap. They want you to attack them. And he’s surprised — like, “How is this possible?” — he’s treated you so unfairly once, twice, three times, and yet you still don’t react, and now he doesn’t even know what to do. It shakes him. And back then, I didn’t react to any of it because I was deeply afraid of conflict. That’s one of the main reasons why I avoid people altogether. I really don’t like it when people argue, gossip. In general, it feels like the moment you get involved with people, all you get is negativity, no positives. And of course, I went through different phases — cycles, really — as I was exploring the three worlds, or rather four. And all of us went through these cycles: morning, day, evening, and night. There were times when the Spirit of Justice would awaken in me — let’s call it that. But from another perspective, it could also be seen as a kind of weakness —