Page 98

[Alexandr Korol]

I left the house to meet someone and panicked for a moment, thinking I had completely forgotten what I had on. Was I even wearing pants? Can you imagine? As if you have no thoughts at all. And I remember I described this before: as if you are maximally relaxed, without the mind, super clear. And you can walk around in the same T-shirt day after day, and you don’t care what kind of T-shirt it is or how it fits you — you can’t even think about it. That is, you cannot think, but in the good sense of the word. And your focus of attention is so different that you don’t even see what people look like. It’s as if it doesn’t matter what they are wearing. Even if someone were to ask you afterward, you wouldn’t be able to describe or remember it, as if it was never in focus. And I remember that before — this was truly a magical, key place — it was in St. Petersburg, on Rubinstein Street, an establishment, a restaurant called “Leonardo.” There were many pompous, fashionable restaurants, of course, but I always sat in this “Leonardo.” And just recently a friend described it to me and said: “Alex, do you understand that this was truly an otherworldly time and an otherworldly place? That all your fashionable friends or mine would never have gone into this place. It’s as if it’s invisible. And in a place like that there are never people.” And my friend and I began to recall that I had quite a few such places. And what did they all have in common? That it was some kind of unfashionable, unknown establishment where, to save money, the owner himself might be the waiter and almost even the cook. And in such a place there was almost never anyone, and it was super simple. And I always sat in a place like that — where not a single sinful, greedy, or unhappy person would enter, because it would make them uncomfortable to realize they were wasting their time somewhere they couldn’t show off or boast, and as if it even struck at their vanity, selfishness, and pride. Can you imagine? And I always sat in such establishments as if in another world among people.

But what else is curious? How did I look? My appearance was such that I wore jeans that fit me — not tight, but not wide either. Just jeans, just some boots or sneakers, and a fitted shirt, not oversized, Burberry, gray. I even have a photo of myself like that. The last time I dressed that way was when I was in New York in 2017.