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Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2025 9:31 am
Chapter 4. To Remember
When I was talking about this with Big Alexander the day before yesterday, I said to him:
— Alexander, I am very afraid that I have become so accustomed to the world of people — that I have, in a way, gone feral there — meaning I have still gotten used to attachments: to where I live, to certain coworkers, friends, acquaintances, even if there aren’t many of them. And now it’s as if I understand — and the Mystic-Old-Man hinted at this — that in order to find myself and to find this magical world, I need to free myself from all these attachments, because it make me human, whereas I must become the Spirit.
Essentially, these are just attachments — your comforts in having a place where you work, where you live. But imagine someone tells you that you have to start everything from scratch right now — you would feel uneasy, as if all your thoughts disappeared, and for the first two weeks you’d be in shock. But then that shock would fade. The state of shock and vacuum would disappear. Why? Because you would once again surround yourself with new neighbors, get used to the apartment — in other words, you would adapt. You’d know where your workplace is; you’d give someone your new phone number; some acquaintance would call you. And once that certainty sets in — once you’ve defined yourself — you have returned to the world of people. And the world of spirits, where you are the Spirit, is when all of that has collapsed for you, or you’ve destroyed it yourself, but you haven’t settled into anything new. And the point is, all my settled life is now collapsing — but only voluntarily, because I’m receiving a strong signal from above from God, and I don’t need to wait for Him to destroy it all for me harshly. That is, I’m not clinging to or holding onto anything — I understand that I must let go of everything, leave it all behind. But again, this is all the sacred language. Guys, I’m not literally throwing my belongings out onto the street, believe me. I’m speaking here about feelings, yes. And I must simply — although Big Alexander corrected me, saying,
When I was talking about this with Big Alexander the day before yesterday, I said to him:
— Alexander, I am very afraid that I have become so accustomed to the world of people — that I have, in a way, gone feral there — meaning I have still gotten used to attachments: to where I live, to certain coworkers, friends, acquaintances, even if there aren’t many of them. And now it’s as if I understand — and the Mystic-Old-Man hinted at this — that in order to find myself and to find this magical world, I need to free myself from all these attachments, because it make me human, whereas I must become the Spirit.
Essentially, these are just attachments — your comforts in having a place where you work, where you live. But imagine someone tells you that you have to start everything from scratch right now — you would feel uneasy, as if all your thoughts disappeared, and for the first two weeks you’d be in shock. But then that shock would fade. The state of shock and vacuum would disappear. Why? Because you would once again surround yourself with new neighbors, get used to the apartment — in other words, you would adapt. You’d know where your workplace is; you’d give someone your new phone number; some acquaintance would call you. And once that certainty sets in — once you’ve defined yourself — you have returned to the world of people. And the world of spirits, where you are the Spirit, is when all of that has collapsed for you, or you’ve destroyed it yourself, but you haven’t settled into anything new. And the point is, all my settled life is now collapsing — but only voluntarily, because I’m receiving a strong signal from above from God, and I don’t need to wait for Him to destroy it all for me harshly. That is, I’m not clinging to or holding onto anything — I understand that I must let go of everything, leave it all behind. But again, this is all the sacred language. Guys, I’m not literally throwing my belongings out onto the street, believe me. I’m speaking here about feelings, yes. And I must simply — although Big Alexander corrected me, saying,