Alexandr Korol

Also, in this state I have now entered — am entering, am regaining — over these past three days I have not been able to eat at all. I have no thoughts, meaning I cannot think at all. Just clarity and nothing else — an extraordinary clarity. And I can’t eat; it’s simply as if food won’t go down my throat. And I remember that back when I was in that magical state, I was very thin — so much so that people were seriously frightened by it. Everyone would say, “Alex, you urgently need to do something, this isn’t normal.” I simply didn’t have — not even just a flat stomach — it was sunken in, and I was so thin you could see my ribs. And everyone noticed that when I met with someone, even in a café, I didn’t eat — even if someone ordered food for me, I didn’t eat. And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to or because it was some rule of the mind. No, there was no mind there. I simply didn’t even see the food, as if I was so far away somewhere “in cosmos,” in some other place, talking with the person, that food just wasn’t relevant to me. And if I did eat, it was as if I was in some kind of dimension where food wouldn’t even be processed by my body — as if from the very first bite I would even feel nauseous. Can you imagine? Of course, I did eat, but very little. And the paradox was that just bread with butter was enough for me — a roll with butter or bread with a slice of doctor’s sausage, one piece a day in the morning. From drinks, maybe some tea from a teabag, water, fruit drink. That’s how I lived. And everyone worried — different people — when I was living like that, and, imagine, they would even leave a bag of food for me at my door. Someone, probably one of those people, will later read this book and be shocked that I remember it. Yes, I remember. I remember everything, thank you all. All of it is recorded.

That is, what’s happening to me now — so subtly — is that the Alex who lived with the mind, with analyses, evaluations, even certain emotions, all those versions of Alex, of Alexandr Korol, are dying or have already died. And I am becoming again that one without the mind, who cannot think. But it is a magical force and state. And what I will be — where I am going now, and who I will become — I will still be the same Alex as I am now. Meaning, there won’t be some plasma hole in space through which I leap and end up somewhere else. No. It is much more interesting and much