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[Alexandr Korol]

— You have not yet chosen a side, whether you are on the material side or the spiritual.
— How is it that I have not chosen? I am on the spiritual side.
— No. Well, of course, you can say so now, but you do not yet believe it one hundred percent or truly want it.

Well, that is, she meant that I still, as it is natural for all people, can be lured and tempted by society, not in terms of sins, not in terms of some things... There can be no talk of that. The point is precisely that I see how all of this works, that as if I was spiritual in this paradise, in happiness, in the “cosmos” in childhood. And then it was as if I myself began to turn away from this world, from the spiritual, because I began to want what is in the world of people. And what is there to want in the world of people? To go hiking with friends, to have some friends, a relationship with a girl, some kind of attention from people, maybe even recognition, a little recognition from people. When they say to you:

— Oh, well done, great, you scored the goal well.
— Yes, cool, and you also throw the ball into the basket well.

And it was as if I wanted this, and this is in fact the world of people. And since I was already in paradise and in happiness, and I had everything, but as if there was not this: people and their opinions, something else, and at some point I wanted this too, then like a donkey chasing a carrot I dove into this material world and lost the spiritual. That is how I see it. And it turns out that this happened to me many times. And what is most interesting is that when I went into the material world, I was glad and happy that I went into it, but in essence I was closing myself off and becoming a completely different person. I was becoming a human being. And then, as if in this material world there is some kind of limit, that you live, and then everything just goes into some kind of incident. That is, you live, and everything is good. Everything is good for a year, two, three, and then suddenly something happens, and you are again in this “corridor,” in the “cosmos,” in shock, and then you again end up in this spiritual world, and you begin to remember