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Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2025 12:44 pm
I look straight into their eyes and see that someone is there, as if I am in them. Imagine that? I don’t know how to explain it, it is some kind of fantasy. I begin to remember that I wrote about this in all my books, that my attention is stolen by all these wanderers, that I don’t want to talk to people, and it is even more pleasant for me to talk with them, as if there is more in them than in other people. How can that be? And now again it has returned, you see? That is, now it has returned again, and I remembered that it used to be the same before. Right now I am going through the process of this comparison, remembering myself as a child, when I was in the world of heaven.
Then it became even more interesting. Imagine, when I recently lost myself — although Big Alexander remarked that it wasn’t so, but I want to put it that way, and probably people would also say it that way. Well, all right, when I deliberately descended into the world of people, onto the earth, to resolve my social-material matters, and when I resolved them but psychologically remained in that social-material state, in the world of people, in the world of earth, then I did not know how to return back to the world of heaven, and for a couple of days I felt truly uneasy. I thought that I had lost that magic and did not know how to bring it back. And then I had the idea that I simply needed to go into nowhere, simply set off on a journey. That is, not stay, but set off on a journey. But I kept searching for a reason, thinking maybe some person had closed me off, or something, some object, some thing. But then I realized that I had simply begun to live like people, but I must live not like people. And I recorded this and understood that I simply need to take my little backpack and again go into nowhere. And I returned to the world of heaven when I set off into nowhere. And I was shocked, simply goosebumps all over my body. Do you understand where it all began? I left home at 17, and then I entered that bubble and immediately began to hear them, that they were up there, and I said: “What do you want from me?” And that was when I began to describe all of this. And at that time I wandered with a bag, living first with some people, then with others, then with still others, never able to decide anything. And that uncertainty itself was the most magical, and that was when all the miracles happened.
Then it became even more interesting. Imagine, when I recently lost myself — although Big Alexander remarked that it wasn’t so, but I want to put it that way, and probably people would also say it that way. Well, all right, when I deliberately descended into the world of people, onto the earth, to resolve my social-material matters, and when I resolved them but psychologically remained in that social-material state, in the world of people, in the world of earth, then I did not know how to return back to the world of heaven, and for a couple of days I felt truly uneasy. I thought that I had lost that magic and did not know how to bring it back. And then I had the idea that I simply needed to go into nowhere, simply set off on a journey. That is, not stay, but set off on a journey. But I kept searching for a reason, thinking maybe some person had closed me off, or something, some object, some thing. But then I realized that I had simply begun to live like people, but I must live not like people. And I recorded this and understood that I simply need to take my little backpack and again go into nowhere. And I returned to the world of heaven when I set off into nowhere. And I was shocked, simply goosebumps all over my body. Do you understand where it all began? I left home at 17, and then I entered that bubble and immediately began to hear them, that they were up there, and I said: “What do you want from me?” And that was when I began to describe all of this. And at that time I wandered with a bag, living first with some people, then with others, then with still others, never able to decide anything. And that uncertainty itself was the most magical, and that was when all the miracles happened.