Page 459
Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2025 1:57 pm
Well, this may also be surprising, and the task is only to write little books. And also Big Alexander spoke with me yesterday so much as if he were not himself, as if through him someone was speaking with me. Well, yesterday I was the same, in fact.
And yesterday I met with a friend. He says:
— Alex, you are changing. Not just changing once a month, as people sometimes change once a year, once a month they can change. But you are changing several times a day. It is frightening, unusual. As if there was one personality, and hop, immediately another: with different eyes, face, voice, different words are used. Altogether everything is different. Different energy.
— Well yes, I am like that.
And Big Alexander said, that my task is to be in this dynamic, that if I want to be lazy, fool around, watch a silly film, play some computer game — this is precisely needed for the book, because I need time to digest that information, which has newly appeared in me. I need, in my head, while I rest like this for a couple of days, for all of this to be formed into human text, and then I must already put it out into the book. And yes, and truly, this process is so laborious, that is, there is no such thing, that I would not be occupied with the book for even one day. My whole life — it is only because of the book. I live only because of this book, I am given to live only because of this book. And each day, if I allow myself even, let us say, to drink a glass of whiskey, if I allow myself two days to lie in bed watching a series, all of this is the process of the book, no matter how funny it may sound. Because I am still all the time, 24 hours a day, unlike people, I think only about God, about gods, about the matrix, and I am sketching this, drawing, further analyzing something in my head every second. Always. And also, besides this, that is, it happens to me in waves to switch into different rhythms, so that from different angles I would look somehow at this information, which is inside me, so that I would give it a cover, so that afterward I would find it somehow on the internet, what it is called, or some examples, so that there would be something to refer to,
And yesterday I met with a friend. He says:
— Alex, you are changing. Not just changing once a month, as people sometimes change once a year, once a month they can change. But you are changing several times a day. It is frightening, unusual. As if there was one personality, and hop, immediately another: with different eyes, face, voice, different words are used. Altogether everything is different. Different energy.
— Well yes, I am like that.
And Big Alexander said, that my task is to be in this dynamic, that if I want to be lazy, fool around, watch a silly film, play some computer game — this is precisely needed for the book, because I need time to digest that information, which has newly appeared in me. I need, in my head, while I rest like this for a couple of days, for all of this to be formed into human text, and then I must already put it out into the book. And yes, and truly, this process is so laborious, that is, there is no such thing, that I would not be occupied with the book for even one day. My whole life — it is only because of the book. I live only because of this book, I am given to live only because of this book. And each day, if I allow myself even, let us say, to drink a glass of whiskey, if I allow myself two days to lie in bed watching a series, all of this is the process of the book, no matter how funny it may sound. Because I am still all the time, 24 hours a day, unlike people, I think only about God, about gods, about the matrix, and I am sketching this, drawing, further analyzing something in my head every second. Always. And also, besides this, that is, it happens to me in waves to switch into different rhythms, so that from different angles I would look somehow at this information, which is inside me, so that I would give it a cover, so that afterward I would find it somehow on the internet, what it is called, or some examples, so that there would be something to refer to,