Page 221
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2026 12:41 pm
Chapter 13. Mystic-Old-Man
I feel very strange, even scared. I am alone. I am in a house, in the mountains.
And everything has changed so significantly — the perception of everything
in general, of the house, and of myself. My voice has become somehow
voluminous, like before, when I was finishing the first volume of “Alternative
History”; that was also August 2023, when the Spirit was coming. Back when
the Spirit used to enter me very strongly, how did it happen? It’s as if you
are sitting in a room, and everything else ceases to exist. That is, as if you
are in such a vacuum that everything outside the window has been erased,
nothing exists. And now it is the same. It’s as if there is only me, this chair,
and just a little bit of the table space and my hands in front of me, and that’s it.
And it’s as if all of this is intensifying, intensifying, intensifying — this state is
intensifying, but I am doing nothing to cause it. I don’t understand how this
can be or what it is. Today I haven’t had any alcohol or tea; I only ate a salmon
sandwich. I woke up this morning and I feel very strange. And there is also
a feeling as if everyone has disappeared. As if I don’t feel people like before,
as if everyone has vanished. It feels as if I am now reasoning into nowhere;
it’s as if there are no people. Previously, I always felt people; I could think
about employees, about relatives. And I still felt them somehow. And what is
even more interesting is that I am trying to get through to Big Alexander, but
he isn’t answering. It is a rare for him not to answer. Where has he gone?
Where have I ended up?
I feel very strange, even scared. I am alone. I am in a house, in the mountains.
And everything has changed so significantly — the perception of everything
in general, of the house, and of myself. My voice has become somehow
voluminous, like before, when I was finishing the first volume of “Alternative
History”; that was also August 2023, when the Spirit was coming. Back when
the Spirit used to enter me very strongly, how did it happen? It’s as if you
are sitting in a room, and everything else ceases to exist. That is, as if you
are in such a vacuum that everything outside the window has been erased,
nothing exists. And now it is the same. It’s as if there is only me, this chair,
and just a little bit of the table space and my hands in front of me, and that’s it.
And it’s as if all of this is intensifying, intensifying, intensifying — this state is
intensifying, but I am doing nothing to cause it. I don’t understand how this
can be or what it is. Today I haven’t had any alcohol or tea; I only ate a salmon
sandwich. I woke up this morning and I feel very strange. And there is also
a feeling as if everyone has disappeared. As if I don’t feel people like before,
as if everyone has vanished. It feels as if I am now reasoning into nowhere;
it’s as if there are no people. Previously, I always felt people; I could think
about employees, about relatives. And I still felt them somehow. And what is
even more interesting is that I am trying to get through to Big Alexander, but
he isn’t answering. It is a rare for him not to answer. Where has he gone?
Where have I ended up?