Page 238
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2026 12:48 pm
Chapter 14. The Struggle with Oneself, Apotheosis
Today, I spent the entire day in a conversation with a voice — with myself,
or with God, or with aliens, I don’t know — regarding everything. And what
did the voice tell me? First of all, the voice told me that I need to... how can I
express this correctly? I need to not be afraid and to trust this transformation
that is happening to me right now. It said that circumstances were specifically
created so that I would be in a different place, alone, so that nothing would
distract me; that all these provocations have ended, and it’s as if I must
now, on the contrary, let go of the world of people. It’s so interesting —
I had many dialogues with God today about everything in general.
And there were also these interesting moments where I say:
— What if in a month, for example, the employee who was possessed by
the demon wants to return?
— Well, you can take him back,-God tells me.
— But he is bad. It’s obvious that time will pass, he’ll realize his guilt, and all
that. But why take him back?
— Then that is already your pride speaking. For if you are God, — He says
to me, — then you shouldn’t be nitpicking such things at all.
And here I recall something: a year ago, when I was talking to the main God,
He showed me that I was walking down the street “mindless,” eating only
a single leaf. He told me then that I must let go of control over all people.
Let go of control. And then my whole body would be unblocked, all worlds
would be unblocked. And then I would become who I am meant to be.
And here I realize that it’s true; for if I am, let’s say, God in the future —
in perspective, so to speak — then what difference do any socio-material
things make? In other words, I shouldn’t be concerned at all if some master
jeweler chipped off and stole a few grams of gold from me. Or if, for example,
an employee who handles my books leads a bad lifestyle in his spare time.
It’s as if I shouldn’t just not think about it, but I shouldn’t even see it.
I remember that I used to be like this; in 2010, I was so “mindless,”
so emotionless, so in a state of shock, and so completely “cosmic” that I had
Today, I spent the entire day in a conversation with a voice — with myself,
or with God, or with aliens, I don’t know — regarding everything. And what
did the voice tell me? First of all, the voice told me that I need to... how can I
express this correctly? I need to not be afraid and to trust this transformation
that is happening to me right now. It said that circumstances were specifically
created so that I would be in a different place, alone, so that nothing would
distract me; that all these provocations have ended, and it’s as if I must
now, on the contrary, let go of the world of people. It’s so interesting —
I had many dialogues with God today about everything in general.
And there were also these interesting moments where I say:
— What if in a month, for example, the employee who was possessed by
the demon wants to return?
— Well, you can take him back,-God tells me.
— But he is bad. It’s obvious that time will pass, he’ll realize his guilt, and all
that. But why take him back?
— Then that is already your pride speaking. For if you are God, — He says
to me, — then you shouldn’t be nitpicking such things at all.
And here I recall something: a year ago, when I was talking to the main God,
He showed me that I was walking down the street “mindless,” eating only
a single leaf. He told me then that I must let go of control over all people.
Let go of control. And then my whole body would be unblocked, all worlds
would be unblocked. And then I would become who I am meant to be.
And here I realize that it’s true; for if I am, let’s say, God in the future —
in perspective, so to speak — then what difference do any socio-material
things make? In other words, I shouldn’t be concerned at all if some master
jeweler chipped off and stole a few grams of gold from me. Or if, for example,
an employee who handles my books leads a bad lifestyle in his spare time.
It’s as if I shouldn’t just not think about it, but I shouldn’t even see it.
I remember that I used to be like this; in 2010, I was so “mindless,”
so emotionless, so in a state of shock, and so completely “cosmic” that I had