Page 256
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2026 12:54 pm
I might fail this exam. I might call or meet that employee today or tomorrow,
and I might fly into a rage because of something he says. And that’s it. I’ll
fail. Well, “fail” in the sense that I’ll realize I’m still weak. But I really want
to test myself; that’s why I asked the aliens if I could bring him back. Since
the issue isn’t him anymore, I don’t care what he’s like — I want to check how
ready I am not to react to him. He is the ultimate irritant. If I took any other
person, I’d have to wait a long time for them to annoy me, but he is a perfect
character for this. He is maximally irritating. I want to see if I can stay in this
“cosmos” despite him. I feel a crazy strength, like I can do it. But the aliens have
told me a thousand times that I won’t; they say: “You will, but you’ll snap on
the such-and-such day,” that I will still have a reaction and it will be painful.
They keep saying: “pain, pain, pain...” And I say: “Fine.” I wrote down the
rules to avoid the pain. I asked the aliens for advice, and they said: “Do not
ask what the employee has been doing while he wasn’t working with you. Do
not ask what else he hasn’t confessed to over the years. Do not do it. Do not
inflate the provocation yourself. Do not extract information from him that
will only upset you.” I must learn to be above it, and then I will exit all these
human traps and cease to be human.
What I noticed during these three days, when I felt the peak of this state —
as if everything human was being weathered out of me and I was becoming
deified — was, first and foremost, a return to that crazy fearlessness I had
in childhood. It’s as if a snake could crawl by and I could calmly reach out
and pet it; as if there are no reactions to anything. You are simply a super-
consciousness; you look at everything, but there isn’t a separate reaction for
every little thing. Humans have a specific reaction for every event. Here, you
have only one state for everything — as if you are a super-mind, fearing nothing
at all, maximally calm, a profound stillness. But another interesting thing
is the super-clarity of consciousness. You are crystal clear. There is no... you
know how when a person is in love, or like in the ninth volume in the “World
of Heaven,” they might feel a crazy sense of elation and inspiration, but their
consciousness is still clouded? They might become kind, thoughtless, and
carefree, but they lack one hundred percent focus; there is no vigilance.
In this state I am entering — this new world, this Spirit — you are super-
relaxed yet simultaneously super-clear, which means maximally concentrated.
and I might fly into a rage because of something he says. And that’s it. I’ll
fail. Well, “fail” in the sense that I’ll realize I’m still weak. But I really want
to test myself; that’s why I asked the aliens if I could bring him back. Since
the issue isn’t him anymore, I don’t care what he’s like — I want to check how
ready I am not to react to him. He is the ultimate irritant. If I took any other
person, I’d have to wait a long time for them to annoy me, but he is a perfect
character for this. He is maximally irritating. I want to see if I can stay in this
“cosmos” despite him. I feel a crazy strength, like I can do it. But the aliens have
told me a thousand times that I won’t; they say: “You will, but you’ll snap on
the such-and-such day,” that I will still have a reaction and it will be painful.
They keep saying: “pain, pain, pain...” And I say: “Fine.” I wrote down the
rules to avoid the pain. I asked the aliens for advice, and they said: “Do not
ask what the employee has been doing while he wasn’t working with you. Do
not ask what else he hasn’t confessed to over the years. Do not do it. Do not
inflate the provocation yourself. Do not extract information from him that
will only upset you.” I must learn to be above it, and then I will exit all these
human traps and cease to be human.
What I noticed during these three days, when I felt the peak of this state —
as if everything human was being weathered out of me and I was becoming
deified — was, first and foremost, a return to that crazy fearlessness I had
in childhood. It’s as if a snake could crawl by and I could calmly reach out
and pet it; as if there are no reactions to anything. You are simply a super-
consciousness; you look at everything, but there isn’t a separate reaction for
every little thing. Humans have a specific reaction for every event. Here, you
have only one state for everything — as if you are a super-mind, fearing nothing
at all, maximally calm, a profound stillness. But another interesting thing
is the super-clarity of consciousness. You are crystal clear. There is no... you
know how when a person is in love, or like in the ninth volume in the “World
of Heaven,” they might feel a crazy sense of elation and inspiration, but their
consciousness is still clouded? They might become kind, thoughtless, and
carefree, but they lack one hundred percent focus; there is no vigilance.
In this state I am entering — this new world, this Spirit — you are super-
relaxed yet simultaneously super-clear, which means maximally concentrated.