Page 337
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2026 1:28 pm
right or wrong — but in a way that it no longer disturbs you, gnaws at you, or
steals your attention. So that you can, as you are doing now, quietly write your
books. That’s why things didn’t work out for you — so you would understand the
‘how’ and ‘what.’ You were learning about yourself and people, understanding
how different people can be, and understanding what you actually want.
And simply so that now, when you don’t have it, it won’t bother you anymore.
— I didn’t even ask because it bothers me, but still, people ask. Other people
are more worried than I am that I’ll be alone my whole life.
And he says... Well, I understand what he meant, I won’t say it in his exact
words, but it was as if the point was that I have a mission, and that is the
main thing. It’s all about the freedom of the psyche — that if my psyche is
free and I’m not distracted by relationships, they could even exist. If it’s not
a ‘relationship’ but something like, figuratively speaking, you wanted to meet
someone, went for a walk, had a little flirtation for a month — no problem, it
could be like that. Or maybe there will be someone, it could be any way. “But
the main thing you must understand is that it shouldn’t disturb you, worry you,
or distract you,” he tells me. “Or maybe, on the contrary, you will soon mature
and realize who you need. Or maybe you’ll realize that you always distracted
yourself with this in vain, and that you don’t need anyone.” Well, he says it works
something like that. “It’s one of the top three things that distracts people the
most, and you don’t need to be distracted by such things.” I say: “Understood.”
What else is interesting? Well, we were talking with Big Alexander, and I said
to him:
— Do you remember the first time you realized you were different?
— Yes. I remembered being in my mother’s womb before I was born, and
I saw everything. No one believed it. Later, when I grew up and became an
adult, it was all confirmed because they found a photo at my aunt’s place of
the location where my mother was while she was pregnant. And everything
— down to what I saw, I described it, what was in the room and so on — even
though I was still unborn. That happened. Then, at 16, two ball lightnings came
to me on the street late at night, pinned me down, and did something to me.
steals your attention. So that you can, as you are doing now, quietly write your
books. That’s why things didn’t work out for you — so you would understand the
‘how’ and ‘what.’ You were learning about yourself and people, understanding
how different people can be, and understanding what you actually want.
And simply so that now, when you don’t have it, it won’t bother you anymore.
— I didn’t even ask because it bothers me, but still, people ask. Other people
are more worried than I am that I’ll be alone my whole life.
And he says... Well, I understand what he meant, I won’t say it in his exact
words, but it was as if the point was that I have a mission, and that is the
main thing. It’s all about the freedom of the psyche — that if my psyche is
free and I’m not distracted by relationships, they could even exist. If it’s not
a ‘relationship’ but something like, figuratively speaking, you wanted to meet
someone, went for a walk, had a little flirtation for a month — no problem, it
could be like that. Or maybe there will be someone, it could be any way. “But
the main thing you must understand is that it shouldn’t disturb you, worry you,
or distract you,” he tells me. “Or maybe, on the contrary, you will soon mature
and realize who you need. Or maybe you’ll realize that you always distracted
yourself with this in vain, and that you don’t need anyone.” Well, he says it works
something like that. “It’s one of the top three things that distracts people the
most, and you don’t need to be distracted by such things.” I say: “Understood.”
What else is interesting? Well, we were talking with Big Alexander, and I said
to him:
— Do you remember the first time you realized you were different?
— Yes. I remembered being in my mother’s womb before I was born, and
I saw everything. No one believed it. Later, when I grew up and became an
adult, it was all confirmed because they found a photo at my aunt’s place of
the location where my mother was while she was pregnant. And everything
— down to what I saw, I described it, what was in the room and so on — even
though I was still unborn. That happened. Then, at 16, two ball lightnings came
to me on the street late at night, pinned me down, and did something to me.