Page 396
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2026 1:48 pm
And here is what is most curious: the Light Spirit that manifested in me
manifested in all people. It is simply that in some it is more vividly expressed,
in others less so; in some it appears once a year at the moment of making a
wish before a candle on a birthday or at Christmas, while in others it appears
quite often. Perhaps because a person is creative, they more frequently
disconnect from social society and give free will to the Spirit within them.
As for me, I didn’t just refrain from suppressing or avoiding this Spirit;
I didn’t just cherish it — I always tried to reveal it in myself even more, to
listen to it more closely, to give it even more opportunity to create through
me. But now the question is: Who am I? On one hand, each of us has a sense
of self as a personality; we all have parents, passports, and are citizens of a
country. I am a person like that too. But on the other hand — and I have written
this since childhood, from my very first books — it is as if this personality
of mine, as Alexandr, is being erased. I always called this “humanity” 3%
or 5% of me, while the other 90-something percent is the manifesting Spirit.
It feels as if it will soon possess me entirely, and I will fully become this Spirit
— but that is still “me,” which is another paradox. Lately, while working on the
massive multi-volume novel “Alternative History,” I naturally began to feel
myself in the Spirit, to feel myself as this Spirit. At times I felt I was this Spirit,
at times it was within me, at times it was something separate, and at times I
already am it. But now, suddenly, I have a shock, a realization, an epiphany.
Even some physical sensations have begun to flash through me in the last
few weeks: it’s as if I am no longer limited by the body of Alexandr Korol.
I am physically the Spirit, and I am not Alexandr Korol — I am all the people
in whom “I” exist. That is, “I-the-Spirit.”
So, today is September 30, 2025. Of course, I am in “space” — if I can put it
that way in quotes — I was in such a strong “cosmic” state from the evening of
the 28th through the entire day of the 29th. That is, the day before yesterday,
on the evening of the 28th, I felt very unusual. I didn’t do anything to cause it,
but I was in a state as if in a daze, or a vacuum, or in shock — where there
are no thoughts, you look at everything from the outside and, no matter
how much you want to, you simply cannot switch to the rhythm of people.
manifested in all people. It is simply that in some it is more vividly expressed,
in others less so; in some it appears once a year at the moment of making a
wish before a candle on a birthday or at Christmas, while in others it appears
quite often. Perhaps because a person is creative, they more frequently
disconnect from social society and give free will to the Spirit within them.
As for me, I didn’t just refrain from suppressing or avoiding this Spirit;
I didn’t just cherish it — I always tried to reveal it in myself even more, to
listen to it more closely, to give it even more opportunity to create through
me. But now the question is: Who am I? On one hand, each of us has a sense
of self as a personality; we all have parents, passports, and are citizens of a
country. I am a person like that too. But on the other hand — and I have written
this since childhood, from my very first books — it is as if this personality
of mine, as Alexandr, is being erased. I always called this “humanity” 3%
or 5% of me, while the other 90-something percent is the manifesting Spirit.
It feels as if it will soon possess me entirely, and I will fully become this Spirit
— but that is still “me,” which is another paradox. Lately, while working on the
massive multi-volume novel “Alternative History,” I naturally began to feel
myself in the Spirit, to feel myself as this Spirit. At times I felt I was this Spirit,
at times it was within me, at times it was something separate, and at times I
already am it. But now, suddenly, I have a shock, a realization, an epiphany.
Even some physical sensations have begun to flash through me in the last
few weeks: it’s as if I am no longer limited by the body of Alexandr Korol.
I am physically the Spirit, and I am not Alexandr Korol — I am all the people
in whom “I” exist. That is, “I-the-Spirit.”
So, today is September 30, 2025. Of course, I am in “space” — if I can put it
that way in quotes — I was in such a strong “cosmic” state from the evening of
the 28th through the entire day of the 29th. That is, the day before yesterday,
on the evening of the 28th, I felt very unusual. I didn’t do anything to cause it,
but I was in a state as if in a daze, or a vacuum, or in shock — where there
are no thoughts, you look at everything from the outside and, no matter
how much you want to, you simply cannot switch to the rhythm of people.