Page 396

[Alexandr Korol]

And here is what is most curious: the Light Spirit that manifested in me
manifested in all people. It is simply that in some it is more vividly expressed,
in others less so; in some it appears once a year at the moment of making a
wish before a candle on a birthday or at Christmas, while in others it appears
quite often. Perhaps because a person is creative, they more frequently
disconnect from social society and give free will to the Spirit within them.
As for me, I didn’t just refrain from suppressing or avoiding this Spirit;
I didn’t just cherish it — I always tried to reveal it in myself even more, to
listen to it more closely, to give it even more opportunity to create through
me. But now the question is: Who am I? On one hand, each of us has a sense
of self as a personality; we all have parents, passports, and are citizens of a
country. I am a person like that too. But on the other hand — and I have written
this since childhood, from my very first books — it is as if this personality
of mine, as Alexandr, is being erased. I always called this “humanity” 3%
or 5% of me, while the other 90-something percent is the manifesting Spirit.
It feels as if it will soon possess me entirely, and I will fully become this Spirit
— but that is still “me,” which is another paradox. Lately, while working on the
massive multi-volume novel “Alternative History,” I naturally began to feel
myself in the Spirit, to feel myself as this Spirit. At times I felt I was this Spirit,
at times it was within me, at times it was something separate, and at times I
already am it. But now, suddenly, I have a shock, a realization, an epiphany.
Even some physical sensations have begun to flash through me in the last
few weeks: it’s as if I am no longer limited by the body of Alexandr Korol.
I am physically the Spirit, and I am not Alexandr Korol — I am all the people
in whom “I” exist. That is, “I-the-Spirit.”

So, today is September 30, 2025. Of course, I am in “space” — if I can put it
that way in quotes — I was in such a strong “cosmic” state from the evening of
the 28th through the entire day of the 29th. That is, the day before yesterday,
on the evening of the 28th, I felt very unusual. I didn’t do anything to cause it,
but I was in a state as if in a daze, or a vacuum, or in shock — where there
are no thoughts, you look at everything from the outside and, no matter
how much you want to, you simply cannot switch to the rhythm of people.