And now, the paradox: I rented a house... Look how perfectly it fits. A house
in August, before my birthday, just like in 2019 in Los Angeles. This year,
I also rented a house, and I also started feeling strange. But I didn’t have
thoughts about returning to Russia. I didn’t have the urge to shout about
it to save people. I’m not that naive or foolish anymore. Besides, the more
you want to save people, the more they blame you later, so it’s better to stay
silent and let what will be, be. I’m looking closely at all of this and I realize
how similar it is — this “calm before the storm.” I am experiencing the exact
same feelings I had back in 2019. And the pandemic, after all, unofficially
began in 2019. People started getting really sick in December — Europeans,
Russians, and so on — and then January, February, and it grew more and more.
I wonder what could happen now, if I’m not mistaken and this is repeating.
It feels like a lull right before something significant.
But it’s important to note: mentioning this now in Volume 10 of “Alternative
History” is not about warning anyone or saying we should be afraid. No.
There is no sense in fear, no sense in worrying — everything is fine. I am
simply recording the moment, the fact that I feel something might happen.
But no one needs to fear anything. I don’t have the thought, like last time, to
run anywhere or move. None of that is necessary. Just the fact itself: I caught
myself in this cycle. And you know, back in 2019, I was waiting for “something”
to happen. Looking back at the last 5 years, something definitely did happen.
Yet, on the other hand, it wasn’t quite what was expected. It’s interesting —
maybe what was truly expected will happen now. We shall see.
Something else from what I recorded over the last week, what I was actually
doing — it’s just that all week, every day, I tried to distribute my music, all
my playlists, all my music into only two categories — sun and moon. And it’s
as if, if I do this and distribute it this way, then later some musical tracks
will emerge that fall neither under the category of the sun nor under the
category of the moon. Or rather, it’s as if they fit both this one and that one,
so because you cannot decide and you set it aside into a third cell, that is
how the third element will be formed. And it’s as if I am searching for this
third element consisting of the sun and the moon. This is what I was doing.