Page 573
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2026 3:04 pm
to share all my speculations and reflections in “Alternative History”
in maximum detail, without cutting anything. But what have I noticed?
I had these interesting thoughts... What is happening to me right now? I
am undergoing some kind of crazy transformation in my life. I remember
when I was still young — I told Big Alexander about this — I said, suppose
there are people at level seven. I ended up there, in that “world seven”:
there are friends, girlfriends, acquaintances; everyone has jobs, studies,
some are building relationships, and I am right there with them. But then
something happens, and suddenly I land in “world eight.” It’s as if I continue
to grow; I see that something else will be relevant, something is relevant to
me, and so on. I try to pull all my friends there with me, but they say “no.”
In the end, it’s as if I leave and lose all my people from world seven and move
on to worlds eight, nine, and ten, but they cannot be dragged there. I end
up in some “world ten,” for example, where there are completely different
people, different girls, different boys, different jobs, studies, hobbies,
values, and music. And if I want to communicate with those I was friends
with in world seven — even ten years later, when I look back — they are
still there in world seven, and they have no access to anything further.
I said to Big Alexander back when I first met him:
— Why is it like this? What is wrong with me?
— It’s all great,” he said. “It’s an elevator that you are taking to the very top floor,
where the bosses sit. And it’s great that you didn’t stop; you must keep going.
It’s great that your elevator doesn’t stop — your floor isn’t the seventh
or the eighth; you are going further.
And the point is, I am experiencing this elevator again. Perhaps it isn’t
moving vertically, but rather in a spiral or horizontally as well. But the essence
is that everything formed in my life over the last five years is currently
collapsing — or I am destroying it myself. Everything is being sold, thrown
away, or canceled, but it’s all changing into something new. I see clearly
that it’s not just the people, but the objects, and absolutely everything...
I am moving everything I have into this place I’ve already arrived at. And
I see that not everyone has the access to move to where I have landed.
in maximum detail, without cutting anything. But what have I noticed?
I had these interesting thoughts... What is happening to me right now? I
am undergoing some kind of crazy transformation in my life. I remember
when I was still young — I told Big Alexander about this — I said, suppose
there are people at level seven. I ended up there, in that “world seven”:
there are friends, girlfriends, acquaintances; everyone has jobs, studies,
some are building relationships, and I am right there with them. But then
something happens, and suddenly I land in “world eight.” It’s as if I continue
to grow; I see that something else will be relevant, something is relevant to
me, and so on. I try to pull all my friends there with me, but they say “no.”
In the end, it’s as if I leave and lose all my people from world seven and move
on to worlds eight, nine, and ten, but they cannot be dragged there. I end
up in some “world ten,” for example, where there are completely different
people, different girls, different boys, different jobs, studies, hobbies,
values, and music. And if I want to communicate with those I was friends
with in world seven — even ten years later, when I look back — they are
still there in world seven, and they have no access to anything further.
I said to Big Alexander back when I first met him:
— Why is it like this? What is wrong with me?
— It’s all great,” he said. “It’s an elevator that you are taking to the very top floor,
where the bosses sit. And it’s great that you didn’t stop; you must keep going.
It’s great that your elevator doesn’t stop — your floor isn’t the seventh
or the eighth; you are going further.
And the point is, I am experiencing this elevator again. Perhaps it isn’t
moving vertically, but rather in a spiral or horizontally as well. But the essence
is that everything formed in my life over the last five years is currently
collapsing — or I am destroying it myself. Everything is being sold, thrown
away, or canceled, but it’s all changing into something new. I see clearly
that it’s not just the people, but the objects, and absolutely everything...
I am moving everything I have into this place I’ve already arrived at. And
I see that not everyone has the access to move to where I have landed.