Page 595
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2026 6:18 pm
Of course, considering that I am experiencing the main character’s entire
storyline in my own skin — until I finish this first-person science fiction
novel — I am going through it all to convey it correctly, thoroughly, and
without distortion. Everything I write happens in my life, and everything
that happens in my life, I write. I am a hostage to this script, this plot —
let’s say, the path this character takes. And since this is the case, if we keep
that in mind, then I personally — as the author, as an ordinary person —
don’t feel that I’ve made a mistake, or faltered, or that I owe anyone
anything. I only owe the system I work for. And so the system treats
me like a marionette, in the good sense of the word... although people
associate that word with something negative, like “oh, this is using people.”
No, in a literal sense, I surrendered my will to God, to that system, and I
am only “for” it. It’s great that I don’t have that much vanity or ego. Because
if I had too much mind, vanity, ego, and all this “me-me-me,” I wouldn’t
be able to hear God; He wouldn’t be able to enter me or create the book
through me. And since He is making the book through me, it means I’m not
that “dirty.” That’s good — it’s a little pleasant to realize that. And since I am
walking this path, I describe it all at the right hour, on the right day, in the
right year. At a specific time, I write it all down, dictate it, or make notes.
We can draw conclusions and make assumptions, but it’s quite possible
that the hint about Paradise Lost is a prompt for me to figure out what it is...
As if to show the reader once again what it means to stumble, how a person
loses paradise, why they lose it, why they end up in hell, and how they can
get out of that hell. It’s as if the message is about that again. Perhaps this
is nearing its conclusion; since Paradise Lost was highlighted to me before
and is being highlighted again now, maybe I just need to summarize it all.
But I must share this experience — what it truly is — using my own life
as the example.
The system is hinting to me that what I am doing now — this bringing of
order to everything — is exactly where I have arrived, or where I am arriving:
this is the “lost paradise.” I lost it because I allowed and tolerated things that
brought me down, humiliated me, lowered me, grounded me, and polluted me.
storyline in my own skin — until I finish this first-person science fiction
novel — I am going through it all to convey it correctly, thoroughly, and
without distortion. Everything I write happens in my life, and everything
that happens in my life, I write. I am a hostage to this script, this plot —
let’s say, the path this character takes. And since this is the case, if we keep
that in mind, then I personally — as the author, as an ordinary person —
don’t feel that I’ve made a mistake, or faltered, or that I owe anyone
anything. I only owe the system I work for. And so the system treats
me like a marionette, in the good sense of the word... although people
associate that word with something negative, like “oh, this is using people.”
No, in a literal sense, I surrendered my will to God, to that system, and I
am only “for” it. It’s great that I don’t have that much vanity or ego. Because
if I had too much mind, vanity, ego, and all this “me-me-me,” I wouldn’t
be able to hear God; He wouldn’t be able to enter me or create the book
through me. And since He is making the book through me, it means I’m not
that “dirty.” That’s good — it’s a little pleasant to realize that. And since I am
walking this path, I describe it all at the right hour, on the right day, in the
right year. At a specific time, I write it all down, dictate it, or make notes.
We can draw conclusions and make assumptions, but it’s quite possible
that the hint about Paradise Lost is a prompt for me to figure out what it is...
As if to show the reader once again what it means to stumble, how a person
loses paradise, why they lose it, why they end up in hell, and how they can
get out of that hell. It’s as if the message is about that again. Perhaps this
is nearing its conclusion; since Paradise Lost was highlighted to me before
and is being highlighted again now, maybe I just need to summarize it all.
But I must share this experience — what it truly is — using my own life
as the example.
The system is hinting to me that what I am doing now — this bringing of
order to everything — is exactly where I have arrived, or where I am arriving:
this is the “lost paradise.” I lost it because I allowed and tolerated things that
brought me down, humiliated me, lowered me, grounded me, and polluted me.