Page 139

[Alexandr Korol]

And I see that the guys are simply starting to glitch. As if they don’t understand where left is, where right is, where to go, where someone put what, certain things — simply as if they don’t understand what is happening. Such a thing is happening.

I get into the car and stop feeling my body. It is as if it begins to evaporate, to become lighter and lighter. And I, so that you understand, while I was travelling in the car for 4 hours, by my own sense of it I was travelling for 20 minutes. That is, for me, it was as if 20 minutes had passed, and I arrived. But physically I was travelling for 4 hours. This is the first thing that is amazing.

The second thing — it was as if I was not in the car. And there was a state as if the whole world was in my head. The first time I felt this was when I was little, listening to the music of Yoav — “Beautiful Lie,” when I stopped feeling my whole body. And back then a voice was speaking with me, and it then showed me the future, that I am someone, and everyone is talking about me, but I am as if somewhere alone, and I am not there, but I feel that everyone is in my head, everyone is thinking about me. But that was just my way back then of describing it — that everyone is talking about me, everyone is thinking about me, but in fact this is all simply, the whole world is in my head — can you imagine? Further on it is even more curious. I write to my friend, with whom I love to discuss my books, who is in the know of the entire “Alternative History,” of this whole novel. And he asks me: how am I feeling? And why is he asking this? Because he had begun to feel strange, and he knows that it means it’s me. I write to him: “I feel very unusual.” He answers: “Me too.” I begin to describe this to him, and this state begins to overtake him even more. And he asks what I am doing. I say: “I don’t know, something is happening to me. And I don’t understand because of what or because of whom. Probably because I didn’t sleep all night, but the state is very strong, and I am as if in everyone’s head.” And he is in shock. He says that he cannot make sense of anything, cannot think, and his body too stops feeling — that it is scary, and it is as if this is a dream. After all, this is no longer like reality, but as if you are in a dream. It’s like when you watch a dream — you sort of realize, sometimes, that this is a dream, but you can’t do anything with it. And just such a state is very unusual. You are as if looking at yourself from the side, or what.