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Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2026 2:37 pm
speaking with someone. And this was so strong. People would all confess to me, would cry, and would tell me everything. And if a person thought about me, I would immediately feel it and could call or write to that person. And everyone would be in shock and would ask how I do this, and I didn’t understand what I was doing. They say: “How did you feel this?”
And what’s also interesting is that if a person had asked me something, or I had told him something — half a year later, if he asked me this question again, I would answer the same thing — only I would do this not from memory. I don’t remember what I had answered him, and I don’t know what he had asked me, but I answer the same thing, as if the intelligence, the intellect, were answering the person through me. That is — back then I was, as I called it, maximally “without the mind.” And I would describe, I would say, that every day is all one big day. All days are one day. And I have returned to this recently. And I got very scared that if I now go off into this maximally, I will die or disappear — the one who is Alex with the mind, those 5% of the 95%. And I started to ground myself, to close myself off. That is why I even met up with people, so as to at least somehow not lose my point of reference. And I tell them: “Just imagine — right now you are my point of reference. If you don’t call me in the coming month, I won’t even know that you exist. And if you ask me something — I will answer, but I will not know what I have answered you. I will forget this immediately. Can you imagine?” That’s what I was telling my friends just now. And I say to them: “What is to be done? To go off into this state where I am the Spirit and everything is one continuous day, where I am “without the mind”? Or to jam it and to not let it be?” I did not receive an answer — or maybe I don’t remember it. I don’t know what answer they gave me to all of this. But I know something else — that I made the decision and said: “Guys, all of you, leave me alone. I want to be left alone. I want to go out of my mind. I want to go off into this state.”
I just called Big Alexander — it was 2:00 in the afternoon, Moscow time. I describe everything to him — and, of course, his reaction was very interesting: he froze up completely. And the more I explained what it is, the more he… I wouldn’t say he was frightened, but he was amazed. Although, probably, he was after all frightened. For me, genuine, sincere amazement is the same as fright.
And what’s also interesting is that if a person had asked me something, or I had told him something — half a year later, if he asked me this question again, I would answer the same thing — only I would do this not from memory. I don’t remember what I had answered him, and I don’t know what he had asked me, but I answer the same thing, as if the intelligence, the intellect, were answering the person through me. That is — back then I was, as I called it, maximally “without the mind.” And I would describe, I would say, that every day is all one big day. All days are one day. And I have returned to this recently. And I got very scared that if I now go off into this maximally, I will die or disappear — the one who is Alex with the mind, those 5% of the 95%. And I started to ground myself, to close myself off. That is why I even met up with people, so as to at least somehow not lose my point of reference. And I tell them: “Just imagine — right now you are my point of reference. If you don’t call me in the coming month, I won’t even know that you exist. And if you ask me something — I will answer, but I will not know what I have answered you. I will forget this immediately. Can you imagine?” That’s what I was telling my friends just now. And I say to them: “What is to be done? To go off into this state where I am the Spirit and everything is one continuous day, where I am “without the mind”? Or to jam it and to not let it be?” I did not receive an answer — or maybe I don’t remember it. I don’t know what answer they gave me to all of this. But I know something else — that I made the decision and said: “Guys, all of you, leave me alone. I want to be left alone. I want to go out of my mind. I want to go off into this state.”
I just called Big Alexander — it was 2:00 in the afternoon, Moscow time. I describe everything to him — and, of course, his reaction was very interesting: he froze up completely. And the more I explained what it is, the more he… I wouldn’t say he was frightened, but he was amazed. Although, probably, he was after all frightened. For me, genuine, sincere amazement is the same as fright.