speaking with someone. And this was so strong. People would all confess to me, would cry, and would tell me everything. And if a person thought about me, I would immediately feel it and could call or write to that person. And everyone would be in shock and would ask how I do this, and I didn’t understand what I was doing. They say: “How did you feel this?”
And what’s also interesting is that if a person had asked me something, or I had told him something — half a year later, if he asked me this question again, I would answer the same thing — only I would do this not from memory. I don’t remember what I had answered him, and I don’t know what he had asked me, but I answer the same thing, as if the intelligence, the intellect, were answering the person through me. That is — back then I was, as I called it, maximally “without the mind.” And I would describe, I would say, that every day is all one big day. All days are one day. And I have returned to this recently. And I got very scared that if I now go off into this maximally, I will die or disappear — the one who is Alex with the mind, those 5% of the 95%. And I started to ground myself, to close myself off. That is why I even met up with people, so as to at least somehow not lose my point of reference. And I tell them: “Just imagine — right now you are my point of reference. If you don’t call me in the coming month, I won’t even know that you exist. And if you ask me something — I will answer, but I will not know what I have answered you. I will forget this immediately. Can you imagine?” That’s what I was telling my friends just now. And I say to them: “What is to be done? To go off into this state where I am the Spirit and everything is one continuous day, where I am “without the mind”? Or to jam it and to not let it be?” I did not receive an answer — or maybe I don’t remember it. I don’t know what answer they gave me to all of this. But I know something else — that I made the decision and said: “Guys, all of you, leave me alone. I want to be left alone. I want to go out of my mind. I want to go off into this state.”
I just called Big Alexander — it was 2:00 in the afternoon, Moscow time. I describe everything to him — and, of course, his reaction was very interesting: he froze up completely. And the more I explained what it is, the more he… I wouldn’t say he was frightened, but he was amazed. Although, probably, he was after all frightened. For me, genuine, sincere amazement is the same as fright.