Page 302

Alexandr Korol
Site Admin
Posts: 7647
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2023 7:38 pm

Page 302

Post by Alexandr Korol »

Then I look at the clock again — 2:00 in the afternoon. I’m again in shock — how can it be 2:00, surely it should now be the end of the day. Then I look at the clock again — 4:00 in the afternoon. And so it turns out, these 2 hours from two to four felt by sensation like about 10 hours, well, 5–7, I don’t know. That is — a lot, as it were. That is — the day is very long, endless, it just won’t end. You look at the clock, you think, alright, surely it’s night now — and then you look, and the time is 6:00 in the evening. And you think — 6:40, how can this be. Then you think, surely it’s 2:00 in the morning by now — you look at the clock — 8:40 in the evening. And just imagine, that’s how I felt all day. I kept waiting for the day to end, and it just kept not ending.

In this state in which I was dwelling, if I had opened the phone, the messenger, and a person had written to me, let’s say: “Alex, let’s go play badminton tomorrow,” then I would see this message and could say: “Yes, alright.” And at that moment, only when I read this message, would I think about this person and remember that he exists. But if he hadn’t written to me, then I wouldn’t have remembered this person once over the entire week. This is a very important moment.

And when I was in this state, in the literal sense, I didn’t know what was happening in the world. You simply have no thoughts about world news, no desire to read the news. And you can’t, as it were, even focus on this. So I wasn’t reading any news on the internet, or social networks. That is — I wasn’t on them at all, not even for a second. I simply didn’t even know that I had any accounts on social networks. That is — it’s as if you simply cannot focus on the social mass at all. And your state is, as it were, light, kind, and superficial. That is — I was watching heartwarming family films. But I wouldn’t have been able to watch some intellectual film about Moses, that “Exodus: Gods and Kings,” or the film “Noah” with Russell Crowe. That is — I couldn’t watch all those kinds of films; I didn’t want to think at all. That is — you want to watch — but only something very heartwarming, light, you don’t want to think unnecessarily, you don’t want to strain your brain, you don’t want to decipher anything.