Page 307

[Alexandr Korol]

And when I would write a chapter, it was as if I would completely live through it physically, would experience it and be in it, and would likewise switch off from time and space and not understand at all where I was or what was happening to me. And then — whoop — and the chapter is written. And I think: “Oh, I’m at home.” And only then would I understand that I was even home at all. Back then, it was as if the house disappeared too — everything disappeared — when I was writing a chapter. Back then, at that age, when I was 18 to 20… And it was back then that all sorts of wonders began to happen. All of it was at that time. That is, in general, all the wonders were, you could say, up to the middle of 2011. It would be like this: I have no sense of body, nothing hurts, and I have no thoughts, no emotions, nothing at all. I am located in the apartment. That is — that’s how I was living back then. But if a person suddenly thought about me — without even calling or writing — I would start to feel something. Let’s say, my leg would hurt, or I would suddenly be very hungry, or some other feelings or thoughts would appear. And besides this, I would suddenly start remembering a person — and I can’t think without a reason, I can’t remember anyone. And here I remember, let’s say, Andrei. And if I remembered him — well, how are we people made? Whatever we see, we want; whomever we have remembered, we call. That’s what I do — since he has appeared in my head, I call him or write to him. And then it turns out that, in that very second, he had been talking or thinking about me, or was about to call, or was already writing. And every time, people would be amazed at how I do this. And it turns out that, at the moment when a person concentrates on me, he appears in my head, and I, as it were, even feel him in my body. That is how it works. Can you imagine? And there was something else unusual. From that moment on, I stopped speaking on the phone. And now, on the contrary, this has come back with age, and I have started speaking on the phone. But before, I never spoke on the phone — I described this in my diaries. And it was hard, just imagine, for me to write in such an unusual state, because you have to write only in the moment. And if you think: “Ah, I’ll write it in an hour” — you won’t remember in an hour what you were even thinking about. Yes — I couldn’t speak on the phone. What was happening?

Back then, at that age, when I was in this state, in childhood, and “without the mind” — if a person called me and I picked up — I would completely become him,