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[Alexandr Korol]

Both he and I — but he, of course, doesn’t understand this. And we would talk so sincerely, with our souls, openly, beautifully. But then, either on that same day, depending on the person, or on the next day — I would disappear on him. I would do this; it can’t be controlled with the mind — it’s something else. It was as if some self-preservation instinct of mine kicked in. The point is, I would, figuratively speaking, communicate with the person while he wasn’t thinking about me, wasn’t evaluating me — and it was interesting for me to meet new people, because when this person still doesn’t know me, and is new, he is “without the mind,” sees me and my world. And I felt good from this — that I remained in my own world “without the mind,” in magical happiness — and this person had ended up in this world of happiness, and so we had met and were communicating with him. But further on — the person has, after all, his own main world, where he is from. And further on, his mind starts switching on, the next day or the day after that, and he wants, with his mind, to plunge me into this world of the mind. He doesn’t know it, he doesn’t do it on purpose, but that’s how I see it. And it’s as if he starts asking some questions from the mind already, some evaluating questions. He wants to understand who I am, what I eat, with whom I communicate, who my parents are — he wants to evaluate all of this with the mind, and also wants to plan: “Right, Alex — for sure, on Wednesday we’re going there, on Thursday we’re going there.” And when he says this, I immediately start to feel terrible, as if I am losing the magic and the lightness, and as if a tension is happening. Not somewhere specific, but all throughout me — not only in the head, but everywhere — both in the head and in the body, in all the muscles, as if I am starting to feel the density of the body. Pay attention — a very important emphasis: I am starting to feel the density of the body — the cells of my whole projection of me are starting to become created, physical. And for me this is, as it were, the end — as if a countdown will start, as if time will switch on, where I will start aging, I will start becoming like a person, where there are problems. And where all of this, this magical thing where I live, will disappear. But back then I didn’t know anything — how everything is set up — I hadn’t read books, I didn’t know anything, I didn’t talk to anyone about smart things. I am telling you about this period now, when I, you could say, wasn’t even yet Alexandr Korol, this writer, this magician — I was an ordinary boy.