Page 313
Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2026 2:46 pm
And I didn’t, in fact, want to get lost and die at all — I wanted to remain myself. And so there were these kinds of amusing contradictions. That is — simply as a person, I wanted to be a material person. But at the same time, when I would start to feel something strange — that was precisely the transition — and I would think that I was simply feeling bad from something, and since I was feeling bad, that meant I shouldn’t do this. And that’s it. And so this was what I was passing through back then.
What other things were happening? What else can I remember now? It is very hard. You can’t even imagine. Well — I couldn’t know how I looked. I didn’t know. You can’t think, it turns out — in essence, you don’t care how you look. You can, of course — well, you can, if you don’t forget, brush your teeth — but it’s as if you can go out into the street and meet someone in the T-shirt you slept in. And you don’t understand whether this T-shirt suits you or doesn’t suit you, whether it sits unflatteringly on you. That is — in this world this is no longer there. But you know what the trick is? This is such a powerful world, this “without the mind.” I don’t know how to call it properly: “without the mind,” in the Spirit, the world of family. I don’t know what this is. Maybe it really is the most powerful Spirit. I don’t know what I am describing to you, what to call it. I was in this state two weeks ago, and so, it turns out, I had lived in this state for quite a lot of time in childhood. And right now I will be able, while I have remembered, to describe it — while I am with one foot in the “cosmos,” and with one foot with the mind — yes. And so I am trying to describe that “cosmos” with the mind, because when you are fully in the “cosmos,” you can no longer think. And now just imagine further, coming back to the topic of clothing. But the paradox is — when you are in a dirty T-shirt, or in an old T-shirt, and maybe with a dirty head, you don’t know it, you simply cannot control this. It’s as if you don’t even consider how you look. And you don’t consider that you can’t even think about this. You cannot think about your appearance — you simply cannot — it’s as if it’s unimportant. And you cannot think about how people will start looking at how you look — can you imagine? That is not there, in that world. But there is another paradoxical observation, an explanation for this. After all, when I am there, in the Spirit — let’s call it “in the Spirit” — when I am in this state, the person cannot see how I am dressed. I don’t know how to explain this to you.
What other things were happening? What else can I remember now? It is very hard. You can’t even imagine. Well — I couldn’t know how I looked. I didn’t know. You can’t think, it turns out — in essence, you don’t care how you look. You can, of course — well, you can, if you don’t forget, brush your teeth — but it’s as if you can go out into the street and meet someone in the T-shirt you slept in. And you don’t understand whether this T-shirt suits you or doesn’t suit you, whether it sits unflatteringly on you. That is — in this world this is no longer there. But you know what the trick is? This is such a powerful world, this “without the mind.” I don’t know how to call it properly: “without the mind,” in the Spirit, the world of family. I don’t know what this is. Maybe it really is the most powerful Spirit. I don’t know what I am describing to you, what to call it. I was in this state two weeks ago, and so, it turns out, I had lived in this state for quite a lot of time in childhood. And right now I will be able, while I have remembered, to describe it — while I am with one foot in the “cosmos,” and with one foot with the mind — yes. And so I am trying to describe that “cosmos” with the mind, because when you are fully in the “cosmos,” you can no longer think. And now just imagine further, coming back to the topic of clothing. But the paradox is — when you are in a dirty T-shirt, or in an old T-shirt, and maybe with a dirty head, you don’t know it, you simply cannot control this. It’s as if you don’t even consider how you look. And you don’t consider that you can’t even think about this. You cannot think about your appearance — you simply cannot — it’s as if it’s unimportant. And you cannot think about how people will start looking at how you look — can you imagine? That is not there, in that world. But there is another paradoxical observation, an explanation for this. After all, when I am there, in the Spirit — let’s call it “in the Spirit” — when I am in this state, the person cannot see how I am dressed. I don’t know how to explain this to you.