Another observation and remark I want to add — every day, I feel differently. As if
every day is some different one, I am different, and the sensations, the perception
of everything, are different. My theory is that the cells of the multiverse collapse
every day, fold in on themselves — and with each day we jump over into a new cell,
and we don’t notice it. And that’s why we always feel some different angles in our
perception of everything, or different shades — but it is all sensed very strongly.
By now it’s gotten a bit better — but approximately from February 22 or 23 to
March 1, I was feeling very strangely. I would sleep for 2 hours, and everything
was, sort of, distorted — I might sleep 2 hours during the day, then stay awake
all day, then sleep 2 hours the next day, let’s say, in the evening — and then again
not sleep. That is — each time I would lie down for only 2 hours, but always at a
different time of day — and then for the rest of the time I wouldn’t sleep. It was
very strange, and all my days were getting jumbled. I didn’t understand what day
it was, what was even going on. But what’s curious is something else. To orient
myself, I write to a friend who is on the other side of the world altogether. I ask
him how he is. And he replies that he can’t sleep at all, can’t fall asleep. If he does
sleep, then for two hours at the most. And it’s so strange — he doesn’t understand
at all whether it’s day or night, because he always wakes up at a different time.
I show this to another acquaintance of mine, the one who stands at my right
shoulder — and he says it’s the same with him. That’s curious. It’s clear that this
doesn’t apply to all people — but it touched me somehow, and it is very unusual —
which is why I decided, after all, to record this in the eleventh volume of the novel
“Alternative History.”
By the forecasts, I will disappear on March 18. Though there’s no point planning
it — it could be today, for all I know. But this is purely theoretical — it would simply
be convenient for me that way — but it could happen today, March 8, or tomorrow.
For now, though, everything is shaping up so that it will be on the 18th. That’s
because, up until March 18, I just have important things to do. But there is also
this moment — that maybe, deliberately, for the sharpness and contrast, so that
I would be even more in shock, I will disappear before these things rather than
after them, so that my brain wouldn’t be able to handle how I dropped everything
and let it all slip. Maybe it will be that way. So it could happen right now, rather
than after March 18.