I will die physically. And right now I am learning to be a ghost. It’s as if I plunge
in there, into some otherworldly world, but then I surface back out from there,
return here to you, to people. But I’m being taught to be aware there. In order to
understand how everything works there, I return from there — so that here, in
the book, in the earthly world, I can describe it. It’s as if I’m being prepared for
death — however scary that may sound. So as not to be frightened by all of this,
one shouldn’t take it too literally, the way it’s commonly taken in society, but
should perceive it based on the essence of my novel “Alternative History” — that
there is a simulation, that there are multiverses.
I see that right now I will keep going off there again, then coming back, going
off, then coming back, and sharing this experience of travelling there. That is —
various wonders will be happening there, other rules, everything different in
general — after all, it’s a different world — and I will be plunging in there, then
returning from there and describing this here in the book. One of the things I’ve
noticed: when there’s no one to write to, no one to call, when you simply don’t
have a phone, and your attention is free, then you start to see the world completely
differently, to feel yourself, to perceive everything around you, to perceive time
differently. That is — again, some kind of distortion of time and space happens.
And what happens is — you start, when making any decision — even if you’re
reaching out your hand, let’s say, to a can of cola — at that moment the voice tells
you: “You don’t need it,” and you ask it: “Why?” — and it says: “Because it has
such-and-such in it.” And you start talking to this voice. That’s how it works.
And so, when I go off there, all kinds of these wonders will be happening. I’ll be
dragging them from there into this world of people and will be trying to record
all of this in this novel. Perhaps there will even be photographs — some places,
some wonders, paradoxes. That’s the plan right now.
For now, I’ve come back to the world of people again, and I have a very limited
circle of communication, and I’ve allowed myself to return to a world where these
old people are, where everything old is, where I’m a writer, where friends and
relatives are. And so I’m telling one friend about how I plan to disappear — or
rather, I had told him earlier, before I disappeared — how I plan to disappear,
to go off and become no one, nothing — and he tells me: “So listen — so you’ll