Page 584

[Alexandr Korol]

— And this, and this?
— Yes, and also this.
— All right, let’s stop, okay, I get it. Wait, so that means you know everything?
— Yes.
— Then why didn’t you do anything? Why, when I was deceiving you, did you keep
acting so that I’d go on deceiving you? Why didn’t you get angry, or why did you
let me go on deceiving you? I don’t understand.
— Well, you’re people, you’re all like that. If I now pay attention to this and show
it to everyone, then I’ll be left alone. And you all behaved that way anyway — well,
it’s inevitable. You’re like that, and that’s it. And plus I don’t want to be distracted,
I conserve my attention. Why would I get distracted by all this? Conflicts, these
arguments — who needs them.

And she’s in shock. And I say:

— Well, why are you in shock? There’s my namesake, Alexander, surname starting
with I — he was walking with me to my place a week ago. We’re approaching the
front entrance, mine, on Rubinstein Street, and he’s thinking about kidnapping
me.
— What?
— Yes, because of money he wants to abduct me, kidnap me. He thought about
it, he’s very envious.
— What? And you didn’t tell him?
— No.
— Why didn’t you tell him?
— When he behaves badly — I’ll tell him. Well, it’s very convenient, for when
I need him to freeze up. Well, so what? People think all sorts of things. I feel
everyone, even when it’s not in person but even at a distance, all the intentions
of everyone.

And she’s in shock — how do I live like this? I say:

— That’s how I live. I’ve lived like this since childhood, there’s not even anyone
to talk to, so I write books. No one can explain to me who I am, and on top of that