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[Alexandr Korol]

to something somewhere, as if someone’s really acting on my head with some
kind of ray. And I began to watch myself, to look even more closely, glancing
back, at what actions I’d begun to do that aren’t characteristic of me. And here
I notice that every day I sit on social media. Every day I message and call with
someone. Every day I’m forever there. And what’s not characteristic of me: I’ve
developed a desire to show everything, tell everything, publish everything — and
it’s as if I want attention. There’s this feeling that I’m hypnotized, that is, as if it’s
truly hypnosis. That it’s not my will, not my desires, but they’re so strong that it’s
hard to resist them. And that I, just like some zombified little animal, want to
go into social media practically every five minutes and want people’s attention.
And if people’s attention isn’t enough for me, I want to do something to make
that attention grow. It’s as if you can’t control it. That is, it’s just like some kind
of strong, strong instinct. And it doesn’t matter whose attention it is. To the
point that, figuratively speaking, my friend, the coursemate from Petersburg,
answered me every day, and then one day he didn’t answer, and I went into my
phone practically every ten minutes to see where his answer is, because it’s as if
I need to talk with someone. And the need is such that you want attention and
communication. And you want to attract attention. That is, it’s as if, had I not
come out from under this influence, I would definitely have already begun to
publish photos, videos on social media every day, to write anything at all and
to tell who-knows-what. That is, I’d be losing the boundaries of the norm, of
morality, of ethics… just so as to get people’s attention. And when I suddenly
become aware of this, I understand that I’ve fallen under the influence, under
the effect of social media. I won’t name their names, but these are the most
popular social media. And the moment I become aware of it — this alone was
enough, it all happened only in the head — I immediately come out from under
this influence. Immediately. And I think: phew. As if I’d simply been connected
to something. And I understand that I’ve already come out from under this
influence, but if I now begin to sit on this social media again, I’ll be zombified
again and won’t notice it. This transition was invisible. How I lost myself, I didn’t
understand. Considering, guys, what willpower I have, what a psyche I have,
what a consciousness I have, and how aware I am — I fell under this influence.
Can you imagine?