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[Alexandr Korol]

like regular people do, you know, with comfort zones and habits — it all got torn down. And from that destruction, I could breathe more freely. I loved every crisis, every stressful situation. Those 5% that the mind accumulates through social norms — those 5% would crumble again, and I’d be back to being “without mind.” But I’ve also met people who live entirely in their minds, who don’t even have a heart, who never experience that state of being “without mind.” And when they face a crisis, like losing a dog or getting their car stolen, they don’t suddenly shift into the heart or go “mindless.” No, they don’t. Their mind doesn’t shut off — instead, it tries to understand and process everything, which leads to intense irritability, anger, stress, aggression. They become completely unhinged. It’s like people are built differently. They live in entirely different worlds. And here’s the paradox: whenever I lost everything, or had nothing at all, or could just snap my fingers — like I used to — and disappear from everyone, change my number and be alone again, I immediately felt immense power and flow, like I was fully connected to nature and to God. But as soon as I started accumulating the “fat” of the social world — when people got used to me, labeled me with their minds, boxed me into categories, when I got used to routines — I’d start to feel like stagnant water, like a blooming swamp, rather than a flowing river or waterfall. So what drove me? Mind, intellect, knowledge? No. I was young and dumb, like Ivan the Fool, but I was led by God, by nature. That’s just how it happened — something took me away like that because it had to. Maybe it’s because I felt that my parents, especially around graduation, were trying to box me in, impose boundaries, put me in a frame — and I just broke free. And I’ve always been like that. Nobody can categorize or contain me. That’s why many people call me a ghost. Seriously. There are so many people who only see me once every five years. We’ll talk deeply about life and everything, they’ll want to be friends so badly — and then I disappear again. People even joked and said, “Maybe you don’t even exist. Maybe you’re just my imagination.” And I’d say, “Why do you want to pick me like a flower and put me in your pocket? Why? Live your life. I just came and went. I didn’t disturb your world. I’m very careful about that. And don’t disturb mine — you won’t understand it. I don’t exist. I was just like your inner voice, and now I’m gone.” That’s how people used to perceive me whenever I showed up in someone’s life back when I was younger.