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[Alexandr Korol]

Well, and then how does it all come together? There were different periods. There were times when, almost out of habit, I continued listening to the same spiritual music, watching the same films. I tried to catch at least one day a week when I could slip into some kind of inspiration to write a chapter. There were such periods. But during those times, I wouldn’t even make a move. Because I didn’t trust myself or my thoughts at all. Because really, it felt like someone had been holding my hand and suddenly stopped. And you think, “So what do I do now?” And there were times when I would just sit and wait. In other words, I was being cautious. Still living the same lifestyle as before, when some force was leading me by the hand. And I kept living like that. And when I lived like that, it was good. Because eventually, a new cycle of inspiration would come — and everything would be fine. But there were cases when it felt like nothing was happening for so long — or at least it seemed long to me — that you start to really not know why you’re even living, and you begin to slip, like people do, into things you shouldn’t. But not in the way you might think — of course, everyone imagines their own version based on their own level of corruption. “Slipping” here just means... I’d think, “Alright, I’ll start a relationship,” even though the voice had always forbidden me from having a personal life. Or, “Alright, I’ll get a job.” So there were moments like that. And so I just started living like an ordinary person: simply eating food, watching silly movies, listening to silly music, talking to silly people. And it kind of felt enjoyable, but it was clear that everything felt meaningless. And maybe, of course, you don’t start doing that right away in the first month. It was usually around the third month that I started to give in like that, or maybe after six months. And by then you almost don’t remember the whole “Alternative History” at all, like it never even happened. And you’re already living like a regular person, like, seriously — as if none of it ever was... It got to the point where I even forgot that I had a mission to write books. Seriously. I was already making plans like starting a family, having children — those kinds of thoughts. Building a family and even opening a hotel — those were the ideas I had. And then, just at some point — bam! — you wake up. And you look at it all and go, “What did I even get myself into? What is going on? How did I even end up here? What is this? Who are these people around me? Where even am I? What am I doing?” I’d look at it all.