In fact I once felt something similar long ago when I was passing places of power. There was a moment when I almost lost consciousness and then immediately fell asleep, because the radiation was very strong. Now such radiation comes from me, but it still comes from, let’s say, thoughts, mental processes, reflections. I can be reflecting on something in my mind, and the deeper, the more spiritual it is, the stronger, let’s say, I radiate. But if I am with people and talk with them about everyday things, then I muffle it a little. That is how it happens.
Another thing I recorded over the past week, that I remembered. Now I compare this world of heaven with childhood, when I was in the world of heaven, and I compare it with the last years of life, when I was in the world of earth and the underworld. I match and compare all this in order to show it clearly to the reader, to let them see the boundaries of these worlds. And I remember a movie, I emphasized this long ago in one of my draft books. I remember the movie “Chapter 27,” about the killer of John Lennon, with Jared Leto in the main role. And when he suggested to the girl, saying: Let’s go somewhere right now, let’s go on a journey. And she starts with the mind — those who know will understand... But the essence is that she starts with the mind, saying when, on what day, on what week, when to plan it, that she needs to pack her things. And he begins to feel very bad because of this, he even shows it with his face, as if his whole face is contracting. And she does not understand what is happening to him at that moment, but I understand him. Or rather, I understood back then in childhood, and now I remembered it again. There is simply such an interesting paradox there, that in childhood if I met someone, it could be just a friend from the summer house, or from the yard, or a classmate, and you say to him: let’s go there, let’s see what is over there on the hill, and if he also says yes, then you both remain in this magical world of heaven. But also back then in childhood I would meet people who could say let’s look at the route, how much time will it take, what awaits us there, what will it give me, and you don’t even want to, it is as if you have no strength to answer his questions, because even if you try to answer them, you will fall into the same terrible tension in which this friend of yours is.