From this, one can conclude that a person possessed by a demon believes
that if he can work in a company and come to work at any time, or can
oversleep, disappear for three days, or smoke in the office, or pinch some
money from the cash register, then he considers that to be freedom. And
when he isn’t allowed to do these things — then I am the bad and strange one.
He tells me that he will find a job where they will give him such freedom.
Do you understand? This is very interesting. Where will he find such a job?
He probably doesn’t even understand my kindness and indulgence, and
how many chances I gave him. But you see, a person... anyway, it’s as if he’s
playing tag; even when it’s already clear that there is no longer this power,
this demon in him, he still cannot admit his guilt and still wants to say
something painful and unpleasant at the end, in pursuit. But I didn’t feel any
aggression or evil from him. It’s clear the person is a bit, let’s say, stunned
by the unexpectedness, as if he had become accustomed on autopilot to the
idea that one can do whatever one wants and get away with it. And it’s as if,
you see, all those previous times he felt that we would make up. But here he
felt that it’s serious. And because of this, it was as if he didn’t even fight me,
and it’s as if the demon is already gone. And I wouldn’t say that it was the
demon writing anymore; it was just the employee writing now. Already
without this demon, without this beast, but he still has a memory and certain
qualities of his own, and within the framework of his narrow intellect,
he will still say something nasty at the end anyway.
What lesson can I draw from this for myself? Naturally, first of all, I will say
this: while I was going through this trial, I was drawing conclusions for myself
and I was the one growing wiser. This is my work on myself; it is all for my
benefit, it is my exam, right? And I saw an interesting thing: you know, if I
were working in a company and I, for example, did not steal — as an example
— the gift or souvenir New Year’s diaries, I didn’t touch them. But let’s say the
boss accused me of it. Well, because it seemed that way to him, for example,
and he suddenly thought it was me. If I were in such a situation — and I have
been in such situations many times since childhood — then I would... Of
course, it would be unpleasant for me, but I believe so much in God and in
justice, in the sense that God sees everything. And pride wouldn’t awaken in
me to quit or lash out at the boss and start insulting him, even if he is wrong.