Or simply start muffling myself with food or alcohol, but I didn’t do it.
And it turns out that the only place I could direct my attention — though again,
this is like a defensive reaction; one must learn not to direct it anywhere at
all — the only place I could put my attention was simply sorting music by
categories, something I’ve been doing since childhood, since I was 15 or 16.
That’s it. I just turn on random music and sort it all day, from morning till
night. I woke up, started sorting, and writing notes. Meaning, any kind of
enlightenment, any thought, any idea — straight into the notes. The third
thing I could distract myself with was simply talking to myself — that is,
talking to my inner “self,” or let’s call it God or the aliens. And I did only that.
Yes, I could, of course... I would say this didn’t distract me; rather, it was
exactly where I was all the time, for all three days. But specifically to distract
myself from that lifestyle and ground myself a little, I would ground myself by
watching a movie. Or I might message or call someone, but the conversations
were still only about “space.”
What’s next? When I began to converse with the aliens, they told me that the
way everything in my life is happening and taking shape now is all the road
home and the way home. How can I decode this? Well, it turns out that I was
once in a super-magical world when I first appeared with my first book. Over
time, I began to lose that magical self and that magical world, and transform
into a different version of myself, into a different world — the socio-material
one. And from the middle of 2011 — I remember this — when I left the magical
world where I felt everything, saw everything, where paradoxes happened
every day and I talked to the voice 24 hours a day... all of that vanished, and
I became a socio-material person. “Me” with completely different thoughts,
different values, a different focus of attention — everything was different.
Clearly, at times I could tune into different worlds, but for a long time now,
the primary one has been this socio-material world. And now I am leaving
it to go back home, as the aliens are hinting. When I called Big Alexander —
I’ll say it again — I voiced this to him, and he didn’t exactly get wary, but I felt
something when I told him, because he started questioning when it would
happen. First he asked me, “In November?”. Then he started asserting that
it would probably be around my birthday — a week before or a week after.
Then I said to him: