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[Alexandr Korol]

That is — all such films, all such music. Time was felt in such a way that the day goes on endlessly. The day simply goes on endlessly — it does not end. As if the day should have already ended, but it has only just begun. A couple of hours have passed; you think the day is over, but it is only lunchtime. Time, time, time keeps going on, and it isn’t even 6:00 in the evening yet by the clock, and the day still won’t end. This is what I have noticed, of the curious things.

What else have I noticed? Everything becomes so wonderful, as if I am in
childhood, as if I am a child. How does a child feel itself? This is hard for
everyone, of course, to remember, but a child perceives the world and reality in
a completely different way. And right now I have perceived this physically; I tried
it through my own personal experience. What is it? That is — you cannot think
at all. You don’t remember what was yesterday. You cannot think about what will
be tomorrow. You don’t think at all. Everything is like a dream, all of it is endless
time. And you are simply busy with one thing, and you are only in that. You watch
a film, you draw, or you assemble Lego — and you are only in that, and you are
unreally happy. Your whole nervous system is maximally relaxed, clean, and at
peace. All your muscles are relaxed like never before. That is — I even joked and
said I had become like a vegetable. You cannot plan anything in a super-cool,
structured way. You cannot plan anything at all. And you cannot think about
anything super-smart either, as if you are all very light and superficial. But your
body is maximally light, soft, relaxed. Time goes on endlessly; for you the day is
like a whole world, like a whole life.

In addition to this, there was also a certain negative “but.” When I was feeling
this way from the appearance of the fact that I have this kind of female friend — I
started reflecting: what if she switched all of this on? And here you go — the world
of the sun, the world of family, everything magical, just paradise. In that world
it’s as if neither illness nor problems exist; time passes differently. And there
you go — start a family, get a dog, and you are happy. But the moment I strained
my brain a little, by sheer effort, like my old version of myself, and reflected on
who I had been, and what I had been doing — that I am, in fact, writing books —
and that if I now slot myself into this, that is, build a family, that’s forever. And
from this I felt a crazy tension — that is, I would become uneasy from the fact that,
by sheer effort, I would start forcing myself to think, and I’d understand: